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Have no idea what the story is here but have seen lots of people introducing themslves and ranting and so here’s to it.
My name is Adam and I came across gambling at an early stage of my life when I was out with my family in an arcade. There was this machine that accepted twenty cent coins and you could win some money. It was a harmeless enough game and I guess I took to it because it wasn’t my money I was spending and so I was high rolling and coming out lucky enough that I was winning huge money (or so what I thought). From a few twenty cents I went up to fifty euro. Ever since then I would play that game every time I could when I was out but gave it up after having no money to spend on it as a teenager being given only pocket money.
I got my first job at a casino, I still work there today and I’m constantly being exposed to people losing and winning (mostly losing). When I got first credit card I was excited because I knew I could then online gamble, which I took to straight away. At first it was small amounts in my innocense, but later escelated to depositing hundreds of euors to chase losses. I gambled everything in my bank account that I had saved (and as an older teenager who doesn’t drink, do drugs or anything of the sort), I rarely spent my money and saved 80% of it constantly. I gambled away two grand and I’ll never forget having to break into my savings account to take out more money to win back the substantial amount of money I had lost as a student. I won back my money and out of shame and fear of losing any more I abstained from gambling for a while.
One year later I am back at it again and I lost another two grand, emptied out my bank account and am needlessly down so much money. I would so much prefer to concentrate my efforts and time on studying, reading and college in general than stressing and chasing losses gambling. Right now though, I’m so uncomfortable doing that. I feel hopelessly depressed even doing anything because I know I’ve lost so much that I can’t recover from. It’s always in my head that I’m down like five grand and that I can’t get it back or make up for it.
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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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Hi Adam and welcome to the forum. Losses drive us mad. So then we chase them and chase them hard. Most often losing more. It’s hard to wipe the slate clean and let the losses go. I always tried to consider it a very expensive lesson. One that taught me that I am addicted to gambling. I’m sure coke addicts or alcoholics want the money back they blew on drugs and alcohol. Not to mention stupid decisions and lost jobs. I’m sure they go through period of denial where all they want is more of what they are addicted to. It is really tough to face this. But if you can, face it, you will come out the other side much stronger. When the cravings and urges kick in our will power can often weaken. Especially in the beginning when that is all we can think of and our brain is looking for its kicks! It is like we have to use the part of our brain that KNOWS this is insane to outsmart the gambling addicted brain. I’m hoping someone from the UK can jump in and tell you about banning yourself from online sites and installing blocking software on your electronics. By doing these things we can get through a weak moment and be prevented from making a mistake. It gives us more time to reason with our self about the likely outcome. We are addicted to the rush, not the winnings. So when there is no winnings we keep going with our money just to try and feel that rush. Your life is not over but please take this seriously. If you can access some addictions counselling that may also be of big benefit. I also attended GA meetings. A lot in the beginning. You have the gift of time. You can make this a faded memory. Keep connected here. It helps.
Laura
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