[wedgemon]

I’m new again to the GA style recovery.
I slipped after over 2 years clean. I quit attending meetings, got complacent and received a nice bonus before Christmas. RED FLAG!!!! I thought I could go celebrate. WARNING WARNING!
Fast forward to March 12th. I got caught. Per my wife’s edict from my last slip – “If you gamble again, don’t come home.” So, not clearly knowing the extent of the ripples of my leaving. I left.
I’m lucky enough to have a place to stay. I’m blessed, as well with a wife, angry and hurt as she is, that is willing to not slam the door on our marriage or relationship. She immediately closed all joint accounts – SMART!! She had recently entered therapy as she thought something was wrong with us – which I denied. (always trust your feelings and intuition, babe!) She’s amazing!
I got stupid. Went a little crazy – what she called creepy and stalkerish – trying to get home and not lose her. Wrong path. I spent a day with two friends with over 22 years in AA recovery, and discovered I need to focus on me. And (HEARTBREAK!!) Let go of my wife. I read up on letting go. Actually had a tearful release ceremony where I said goodbye.
It was actually very hear lightening!
We since have spoken most evenings for many hours until very late. Brutally honest and hard to accept, sometimes. But, necessary. We’ve set up a weekly date night. I actually got my first kiss in 3 weeks on Wednesday. We bothneeded and enjoyed it, but made her feel vulnerable.
I spent most of yesterday with her and our kids. I will also get to spend Easter with them.
There’s a New Normal on the horizon! I’m working to accept it.
Wish me luck and “..Give me the COURAGE”
The struggle has it’s rewards.
27 days clean.
Heading for 90 meetings as “the line in the sand” from my wife to consider my return home.
Peace be the Journey!!

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