[woaiwoziji]

I started playing poker whenI was 18, online. At that time I didn’t have much money to lose but I lost my first few small deposits. It wasn’t until I got to my final year of university that it became 

a problem. I started playing more seriously, becoming a “winning player”. In total I won around 2000 pounds in about 5 months, getting consistent results online. Then however the cracks started to appear, I first lost control

around December 2016. The issue wasn’t money, the issue was the amount of time I was spending playing. It was impacting on my studies and relationship. I was being rude to my girfriend and putting her last.

I quit playing after some major arguments but I would continue to go back to it. I remember various times I ignored her calls or was to tired to do my coursework. Eventually we nearly broke up

I blame a large portion of this on me playing poker. Then around the summer I started working full time, I didn’t have so much time to play and would only play live, on weekends. This was fine

and things were good for a period. Me and my girlfriend then decided to move abroad and I quit my job and played online again, a lot. I won a lot more money and withdrew it in bitcoin, then the price of bitcoin nearly tripled..

I moved to my girfriends family home and said to myself I was quiting for good. However when I got to hers I found it awkward being in her house and I would go out and play live tournaments. 

I lost time and time again, this had never happened before, all at a time I was supposed to be saving money to go abroad. Then, finally I lost $1000 in an evening. This was online on an account I’d built up from next to nothing.

In total I lost around 1800 pounds on poker, money I really needed. I’d never “gambled” with poker money like that before. This time, I said to myself I was quitting for good. It was done. I couldn’t put my girlfriend through any more pain.

We moved abroad and she had to loan me some money, which on Friday I had finished paying back. Until today, I had been gamble free for 5 months. I logged into my skype and saw a message from a guy in a poker study group, it made me want to play. I created an account on a website and quickly lost $500. This was meant for a holiday with my girlfriend. I feel totally distraught because I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I also lied to my girlfriend about it again.I really, really want to quit poker forever. I know I can quit for long periods but I feel I need a support mechanism when I get an itch. I want a future with my girlfirend who is the most important thing in the world to me but I’m worried if it happens again we will be over. I want this to be my last day gambling and that’s why I’m here. 

[velvet]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Woaiwozj
Your reason for being here is excellent; well done for confronting your problem and doing something about it.
The problem with addictive gambling is that it gets worse unless it is treated but the good news is you can control your addiction and have the life that you want.
Lies and deceit go hand in hand with the addiction and they can be very wearing and destructive to a relationship.
You have been 5 months gamble free so you know you can do it but trying to go it alone will always be problematical. On this site you can share with others who are in various stages of controlling their addiction and well as those who have controlled it but are keeping close to support.
Your girlfriend would be welcome in our F&F forum or in our F&F groups where she can learn to support you and understand what it is that is hurting you.
I suggest that you delete the contacts in your Skype that are connected to gambling and that you exclude yourself from the gambling sites you have been frequenting. Removing the temptation is a big step towards recovery although it is only part of the solution. Abstention is not a cure but in our groups, our Helpline and this forum you will find support that will be unique for you and you can share your progress with others.
Keep posting. Your personal journal in this forum will allow you to look back and see how far you have come. I will certainly be watching your progress and willing you on because I know you can control your addiction and have that happy future with your girlfriend.
Velvet

[woaiwoziji]

Thanks for replying, I feel like I need a support group and to stand up in front of people and admit I have a problem, the only issue with that is I’m living in quite a conservative country where there is little in the way of gambling support. The only person I’ve ever admitted I have an addiction it to is my girlfriend. The issue I’ve always had was that I was winning. Initially when I used to lose I was able to cope with it rationally, I would take breaks and study more etc, then in the long run return to winning. Effectively studying was wasting my time as what was clearly an addiction to the game of poker became an actual gambling addiction as I was playing outside of my stakes and spending money I couldn’t afford to lose. The thing is I’m still ‘up’ overall, but it’s the sheer amount of time and energy I have wasted on this that hurts. I feel like I’ve dedicated so much time and effort into a black hole.

[ButterflyBeeBee]

Hi,

So sorry to hear of your slip up. We have all been there, the important thing is right now you are here. Have you tried going onto Gamstop and asking to be self excluded from sites? I would also recommend purchasing gamban for your phone and computer, the liscences cost £10 and last a whole year. I have found them very helpful when I have the itch to gamble.

Best of luck to you.

[finding_laura]

Hi and welcome to the Forum. You say you are ahead overall but you just finished paying back a loan to your girlfriend and you lost your vacation money. That doesn’t sound very far ahead. When we can no longer stay within set limits, time, amount etc we begin to lose too much time, energy and eventually money. It sucks everything out of us and we are playing games to cover losses and “reinvesting winnings” so that there are nothing left but losses and in the end a big fat zero. Software blockers do help some and may be worth the small investment. Leaving yourself access to large amounts of money is likely a ticking time bomb. Perhaps a joint savings account with your girlfriend? or Cut up credit cards if you use those to gamble. We need to really put things in place that slow us down and provide us time to remember that we don’t want to gamble and all of the reasons why. Starting with your own sanity. I hope you are still with us. Here is a good place to write and keep yourself accountable. Take care,
Laura

[kathryn]

I am happy to see you have reached out for help. A big step.
I agree with Laura, limiting your access to cash can be really helpful. When I first stopped my husband had all control. I would get a little bit of money when I needed it. Sounds like a child but that’s what I needed and it really did work. Maybe a blocker on your computer would help too, no accessing gambling sites or receiving offers etc.
All small things add up.
The time is now, while you are feeling low to put up your barriers and make yourself safe. Get them up and you can then work on you and your recovery.
Take care,
Love K xxx

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