[tambo]

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble / rant! Im in a bit of a bad place at this time.
Well where to start, I am a CG and have been for more years than I care to think about. I have been gambling for around 30 years or so. I have had many bad sessions / relapses over the years but thought I had things pretty well covered until a few weeks back. Two things then happened which has changed things radically!
I had my salary paid directly into my partners bank account for the best part of a year and things were going ok. We were actually managing to save and able to holiday and live a little. A couple of months back it looked like I would be made redundant, however that worked out ok.I was able to apply for an early leavers package ( meant I would leave straight away but get a decent amount as a lump sum for leaving)
The second and more important issue was that I found out that my partner was having a ongoing affair with our sons maths tutor!. I was pretty shocked to say the least, more like stunned. We had it out in a massive argument, I started looking at moving out into a flat and I immediatly told my employer to pay my salary and my leavers lump sum (30k) directly into my account – not my partners
Now at that time I had no idea, seriously, about what was about to take place. Whilst thinking about what had happend with my partner and thinking about how breaking would effect my son, who I love dearly, I moved my lump sum money from my bank account into Betfair. The rest is pathetic predicable history – all gone, all lost.
I freely admit to having had situations like this in the past, I made myself bankrupt a few years back because of gambling and do not blame my partner for meeting somebody with less baggage than me. Im just so sad that I decided to move my finances back into my account when I did.
To make matters worse, my partner has been saying recently that she would like us to try and make our relationship work, which I would dearly love. I am going to tell her tonight about what has happened, re me gambling again. She needs to know, then both her and her chap may still have some chance to make it work. Its going be awful, I feel so sorry for her and my son, what did they do to have a scumbag person like me in their life?
I have excluded myself from betfair, should have done so years ago, its a dangerous place. I have not tried a site like this before, I nearly cried when I read some of the messages on the boards earlier. I too, have been wishing for death for many days now…if only.
Thanks for reading.
 One last chance

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