[pharcyde]

I don’t know where to start. I’ve been online gambling for probably 2 years. It started with buying lottery tickets online. The site I purchased the tickets on also has an online casino. I’ve only been to a casino twice in my adulthood and never had the urge to go back. So, I thought playing online would be the same deal. I’d gamble a bit of money and then be okay — no urge. How wrong I was. Of course like most I had “beginner’s luck” and won quite a few times. My husband even comment that I must have a horseshoe up my butt. Playing online helped to distract me from less desirable parts of my life. Such as regrets, shame, loneliness. However, I first noticed that gambling may be a problem when I started to hide the amount of money I was spending. I knew that thousands of dollars a month was not sustainable. But I was chasing the high of winning. Thinking that one BIG win would correct/even out all the losses. Eventually, it became too much and I had to file for a consumer proposal because I couldn’t keep up with bill payments. If it were not for my husband I honestly believe I would have lost my home. Intellectually, I know that Casinos are a business and you’ll ALWAYS lose more than you win. ALWAYS. But up until today I was still playing with hopes of winning the big one. I dislike what I’ve become and wish to change, but I’m scared of the work needed to recover. I’m scared of finding out what this addiction has been hiding.

[jvr3419]

Welcome pharcyde,

I want to commend you for your courage to take this first step in recovery. It’s a hard road and it’s natural to be full of fear about what lies ahead. I just finished writing on my thread about fear actually I was full of it when I started out this new journey. It’s hard and it’s painful but I promise you its well worth the process of finding yourself and healing. Wishing you lots of strength 😊

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