[dpa]

Hi everyone,

There’s such a huge library of info to go through here – amazing stuff. 

I am a 42 year old male, been gambling on and off for most of my adult life with the last few years being highly active, secretive, deceptive etc…

About 3 weeks ago I made a concious decision to stop immediately, talked to my wife about it 

The last 3 weeks have been mental hell – I am finding it very difficult to cope with and want to know if anyone has any suggestions about how to overcome the feelings of emptiness, despair, anger etc…

The good news is that that gambing is the last thing that I want to do – in fact, the very thought of it puts a pit in my stomach. I’ve lost so much time because of it (not to mention money!) and I think the combination of 

dopamine withdrawals and shame has caused a terrible concoction which is becoming suffocating. I consider myself to be quite mentally strong but I feel like this has the potential to break me. 

Is this expected while removing gambling addiction from my life? I am seeing a counsellor but she is focussing more upon where the pattern of behaviour has come from as opposed to helping me deal with how I am currently feeling. 

Any help is appreciated

dpa

[Tango74]

Hi dpa,

Welcome indeed and well done to take those difficult first steps. I have personally invested in an exercise bike, given I personally don’t have the time or desire to travel to the gym and work out, but from the comfort of my home I can pop on my headphones and ‘get on my bike’! I’m doing about 10k a day at the moment. For me it actually had nothing to do with stopping gambling, I had already bought it to get a bit fitter before I put a stop on my gambling this time round.

However, a lot of recovering addicts seems to get a kick from exercise, whether running or at the gym or wherever. This is probably because of the production of, amongst other things, endorphins, dopamine and serotonin. So, you are getting your mood enhancing drugs via another method.

Like everything on this site, this is personal opinion and observation and what works for one may not work for another, but it’s always worth sharing.

Hope this helps a bit?

[Monica1]

Yes, these feelings r normal and they will pass. Mood swings for a while and anxiety plus depression. I too had anger to deal,with that ended up with a stomach condition in the aftermath but I dealt with the cause of the anger and over time my life improved and so did my mood. The longer the gap since the last bet, the better we feel, we do regain ourselves. Counselling can help whilst we talk about things that bother us, it helped me and I got it via the gma programme here but I don’t really need it now. We do have to deal,with the causes of our gambling and usually it is a perfect storm of things and not just one thing. Can life get better even if it seems hopeless? Yes, it can. I was suicidal because I had ga mbled to destitution but life did change for the better and I am grateful for it. GA, whilst I am not s huge fan, gave me back hope in the early days, counselling helped me deal with the cause and be more open about who I am and how I was feeling. Equally important not to suppress emotion hence journaling. The depression and mood swings do lift and we become ourselves once more, for some it is quick, for me it was a good few months.

[dpa]

Cheers Tango74 for the response. I’ve actually been “injured” for the past 12 months or so from a footballing incident. I think it’s contributed as I’ve had no outlet. I don’t think it’s any co-incidence that i’ve started to become more active again, my mindset has shifted. With this said, there’s always that fear that something could spark that desire to gamble again. 

Yesterday was a horrible day – the worst I’ve had since my last bet, almost 3 weeks ago. Coming clean to my wife, who is also struggling with the news, has been difficult but she is starting to see just how much of an effect it’s having on me. But you’re right, being active is definitely a good way to fill that void that gambling has left in me. 

[dpa]

Thanks Monica1 for the comments – I’ve had all sorts of horrible and disturbing thoughts flowing through my brain over the past 72 hours or so – these are feelings I have never experienced before – it is definitely scary and I know that on the other side of it all, there’s a much better life ahead, without gambling in it. Some of the stories I have read on here are just awful and I am thankful to have had my moment of clarity before my life spiralled out of control. I have stopped before but i generally did it because I was hurting others – this time I have stopped because i could feel myself descending into a place that i knew would ruin me forever. As I said to my wife last night, the gambler in me is not going without a fight. I find that being alone is the worst thing possible at this stage – it’s where my I have the most opportunity to comtemplate my own feelings of shame, self-pity but also reflection and fears about how I’m supposed to stay on the rails. It’s easy to say I’m quitting but given the repeated pattern of behaviour over such a long period, i’m worried it won’t take much to fall back into the cycle. I think that’s what is driving my feelings of despair and emptiness

[Monica1]

I too had all sorts of feelings to deal with and thoughts. I did spend a lot of time alone and this definitely,doesn’t help the situation. We lose perspective and turn inward and imagine all sorts of things. Thoughts run amok. We have to stick to some basic things. There does come a time when we switch from paimfulabstinence Imto recovery and it comes when step by step we consciously seek out support, counselling and work with it. We deal with the cause of’our gambling and as I me ti’ Ed earlier this can be complex. Most of us on here had hundreds of relapses and periods of abstinence before one day it was enough, we hit rock bottom for most of us. I did, but we can take those steps to stop before we do lose everything. Prison, homeless, mental hospital or suicide, that is the end state destination for rock bottoms that just get worse and worse. And it does, take it from me. And we have all felt,that descent you speak of and still carried on. Some to stealing and prison. I have met good people who ended up in prison because of it.
We all deserve to have happiness in life and this addiction will strip that away. No chance if we keep the programme running. GA did help me initially and I didn’t even have the fare to get there as it gives a focus with like minded people.
Once we get and ad it to ourselves that our lives have bec e u manageable and that we are powerless over gambling, and a higher power can restore us to sanity that is the time that we begin the change and the climb back. This works, and I am living prooof of it. Compulsive gamblers never win, we just cannot gamble responsibly and it really,is as simple as that. Accept that fact and begin the journey to recover yourself back. It is worth it. Once we take that fist bet, the addiction takes over and we replay the programme over and over again. Time to stop that and time to see else life has to offer, because it does.

[Συντάκτης]

Άρθρα