[Hallonsorbet]

Before you read this, please keep in mind that writing this out takes a lot of guts for me. I suspect there will be things in here that I don’t fully acknowledge yet, underlying reasons for my problem behaviour. Let me get you up to speed on my particular problem. I’m having a hard time accepting that it is an addiction, but there you go.

I should mention that I’m from Sweden, but I want to write this in the english part of the website for two reasons – I don’t want anyone finding out about me, and not writing this in Swedish helps me calm myself down. Also, writing in english helps me collect my thoughts because I need to focus more on the language. I want to apologize in advance for any bad grammar or spelling.

Alright, why is it a ridiculous gambling problem? Well, because the things I gamble on… I have managed to keep my chill and my control while betting at blackjack tables, slot machines in bars, even online casinos – yes, I have lost a lot of money on those but I always manage to control myself in the end. What finally made me realize I have a problem was gambling for CS:GO skins. Yes, that’s it. For those of you who don’t know, CS:GO means Counter Strike: Global Offensive. It’s an online shooter game which is very famous, it has big leagues and everything so it’s a very competitive environment. Now, there are betting on e-sports events, never really done that though… what gets me is even more pathetic, really. See, in the game you have these different weapons to choose from. Rifles, pistols etc. These have default looks to them (skins) which is just the way they look when you buy the game. Each week you have a chance of randomly recieving a new look for a gun, or a box in which you have a random chance of getting one of these skins. The skins are bought, sold and traded between players on an open market. The cheapest skins go for 1 cent or so, but the most expensive can sell for over $10.000. Yes, that’s right. Ten grand. For… nothing, really. They’re literally just pixels on a screen. Now, if you get a box dropped when playing, you have the choice of either selling it to someone (a box usually goes for something like 3-5 cents) OR you can choose to buy a key from Valve, the company who runs the game. The key costs around $2.5 and the money goes in part to funding the great esports events surrounding CS:GO. When you use the key on the case, you get a random skin from it. It’s basically like a scratch-off ticket. You have a very low % to get something really nice, that you can either use (it’s purely cosmetic) or sell, or trade with. So far so good, when I discovered this in early 2016 I enjoyed buying a few cases and keys and try my luck. I got really, really lucky quite early and opened a case and got a knife from it. That knife was super, super rare and cost about $270. I was baffled. And triggered. As I write this, I can feel tears burning in my eyes because that knife was the first step on a long and dark road for me.

I went online to look up what I could do with the knife. See, if I sold it in Valve’s official market I could only spend the money on more stuff in the game, or buy other games – none of which was interesting at the time. I wanted to cash out. I found a site which allowed me to sell the skin for a small fee. But I also found a jackpot website, where I could put the knife in a big pot along with other people… and then after a set amount of time, the site would draw a winner based on their bets. For example, 10 people each put in $1 worth of items (this is all still skins in CS:GO), they would each recieve tickets proportionate to their bet and a % would be displayed for them. In this case, the pot would be worth $10 and they would each have a 10% chance of winning the whole thing. Sounds simple enough. THe website also had a chat going where you could talk to your fellow gamblers, make predictions and banter etc. All of this was a perfect mix for me, I loved the banter and the fun stuff in the chat, along with the intensity of the gambling itself. I put in my knife… and to my big surprise managed to win a pot of something like $400. So I made a ton of money, in skins of course, but I felt like the king of the world. I went on to sell the knife, but then I used the money to buy smaller skins and put them back into the jackpot website. And this went on.

Long story short, that website went down because of a lawsuit from Valve, but there are LOADS of other websites just like it. There are also websites that let you open cutom made cases online, you pay an amount you choose for a case and then you roll the dice and see what skin you get. Then you choose to either sell it back to the site in order to keep gambling, or keep the skin and then you can do whatever you want with it (sell it, keep it, trade it). Those two kinds of websites have cost me… well, I don’t even know. I honestly don’t know. I’ve read some other posts here, and with great humility I can say that my problem is a small one and I’m relatively early in seeking help like this. I estimate that I spent around $3000-4000 on this kind of gambling. I have nothing to show for it. No skins in the game. Multiple times, I have managed to collect the skins I like (I still like to play the actual game) and thought to myself that these are not to be gambled with. But then as soon as I get the urge, I gamble with them and lose eventually. And I keep coming back. What bugs me is that it’s all so god damn pointless. And I know I’m down so much that I will never make it back.

I think my gambling started early. I’m a gamer, always have been. I love playing video games, board games, tabletop games, role playing games, quizes, whatever. I’m always down to play a game. My dad gambles too, he plays some online poker and he bet on sports as well. He has won big a few times in his life, most recently $10.000 a few years back. He seems to be in control though, but I can’t talk to him about this because he kind of introduced me to gambling. When me and my brother were younger, he used to take us with him when he went to bet on sports at the local tobacco store. He would let us make some small bet (for his money) and only for fun. I loved it, it was a bonding moment for me and my dad. We still talk alot about sports when we meet. I don’t want to ruin that by telling him that he might have sown a seed that led to… this… I’m such a mess.

I want to announce this; I am done gambling for CS:GO skins. There are no sensible ways to limit myself on these websites, they don’t even offer exclusions in some cases. It’s not their fault that I have a problem, though, so I will use my strength of will to quit. With, hopefully, your support. I’m also going to suspend my g2a (a payment service used to buy credits on these sites) and my paypal accounts in order to make it harder for me to deposit.

I don’t know if I’m ready to stop my lottery subscription though. I started it about 6 months ago and currently I’m up about $1800. Without it I wouldn’t have survived the holidays. Speaking of the holidays, I should note that I have a beautiful wife, who knows I gamble on sports and the lotto (she has no idea about the skins thing) and a daughter of 2 and my wife is also pregnant. They are a big reason to stop gambling for me. But I’m scared to tell her anything before I’ve been clean for a while. I want to stay clean for 24 hours now. Then 7 days. Then 30 days, then 6 months… Then for life, I hope. I want to be able to gamble like I used to, small amounts I could afford to lose and only because it was fun. Is there any going back? Please help me. I need your thoughts. By the way, I’m Linus. Thanks.

[Hallonsorbet]

Quick update, yesterday I worked the whole day. Thought a lot about gambling. Decided to stay away from it completely, including sports betting and the like, until I feel good about myself again. I have a lotto subscription which is already paid for, I will keep that obviously (no refunds). Last night when I got home I played some CS:GO and a case dropped. I used some of my left over balance to buy a key to open it, and I got a bad skin and it felt bad even though it was money I had already spent, so to speak. Felt like a betrayal, in a way. Anyways. 12 hours of not gambling made so far, spent most of it asleep so I don’t know if it’s such a big achievement. Gonna go out for a walk now, then off to work. Cheers.

[Paul2017]

read your message and well done for pouring out your problem… we all have a certain thing we like – I started the gambling life through my dad – he took me to the dogs, let me watch him play cards and allow me to have an interest in the horses when he placed a bet – we would watch it together on a sunday … I hear what you are saying

however, unless you stop it will only get worse – I have lost everything – a house, family and friends and a wife – it WILL ONLY GET WORSE…
someone told me something a long time ago before I lost everything and I wish I took his advice and I think if you want to go back to those small bets you need to know you… he said“ if you think you don’t have a problem or think you do but can control it, I challenge you to do this – just STOP for 1 month – no gamble on anything – if you can do that , then look back , notice what you did was different and remember why you stopped!!!

you CAN do it…

[Autor]

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