[justin9898]

I’m 23 years old and I started gambling two years ago when I went to visit a buddy from college in his hometown in New Jersey. Him and his friends were on a book, something I had always heard

of but never really put much thought into or sought out for myself. I had always loved to watch sports and may have bet a friend a few bucks here and there growing up, but I had never gotten into

odds and spreads or read into anything like that. Long story short, we were hanging out that weekend in NJ and during the day a couple of my buddies friends were gambling on daytime horse races. 

These kids were a few years older than me and actually ran a book themselves, on top of having pretty lucrative salaries for their ages, so they were throwing hundreds on different horses just for the hell 

of it and having a great time. Me being a competitor, decided to throw on a few races and I actually wound up being extremely lucky. I picked the winner of three straight races and ended up turning three 10

dollar bets into 300 something dollars. Worst thing that ever happened to me. That was the day I saw gambling as easy money and I signed on to their book, which has caused me to spiral downward since.  

I go back to school and start betting here and there on different sports, mostly NFL, NBA, and international soccer (I only bet on races the once, I knew it was a lucky degenerate win). Now at this point in my life, 

being like 20 years old, I had around 20k saved up from working several jobs throughout high school and college. I was always very conservative with my money up until the point I started gambling on sports. 

I remember hitting big a few weeks on the NFL. I raked in 4k from the book one week and 2k the next. They were paying me out with no problems and I felt like I could keep gambling to the point where I might have 

hundreds of thousands of dollars. Boy was I wrong. My big wins turned me to bet more and more on individual games. Where I used to bet $100, I was not betting sometimes 1-2k on a single game. Even worse,

I would lose that big bet, then try to chase the loss with a parlay. I quickly gave all the winnings right back to the bookies and then some. Now at this point in time looking back I realize I was fine. I shouldve just accepted

these losses and quit betting and moved on. But back then, losing that amount of money felt like the end of the world. It’s like I was constantly keeping score and sweating my losses. All I could think about was chasing 

it and making it back, it was sick. Eventually I got into a dispute with the bookies and was forced off the book. This is when I turned to websites like 5dimes and Bovada, where you use credit cards and bitcoins to deposit.

And this is when I started getting out of control.

The bad thing about websites like Bovada is, and this sounds scummy, but when you bet money there and you lose it, it’s gone. There’s no disputing it with the bookies and no burning anyone for your losses. You 

deposit those funds and lose them and they’re gone. As it should be. At the point when I was using Bovada, gambling ran my life. I was still getting good grades in school but everyting else was suffering. I didn’t talk to 

my parents, I missed out on pretty much every social event for my senior year. I stopped going to parties, stopped going places with my girlfriend and basically stopped doing any normal thing that cost even a bit of money

because I was blowing all of mine through gambling. I was even having my girlfriend pay for me if we did go out to dinner. I told her that I was having money problems and difficulty keeping up with bills and rent. I am so 

ashamed. I eventually came clean to her and she saw what I went through first hand. Laying awake all night becuase I was disgusted from the amounts and the rates I was losing. Sure, I had some big wins here and there. 

My biggest win ever was 8k on a soccer parlay. I remember the day that hit I was so happy, so relieved that I had won everything back. But within a week… that money was redeposited and gone. I had blown through

all of my savings and was even getting into credit card debt. Meanwhile my parents thought I was just off at school getting great grades and enjoying my last year. Really I was stomaching loads of debt and spending

hours upon hours looking up betting recommendations and researching teams, stats, players, and lines. I’d put in bets and then wait all day for games to come on at night. Then I’d stream the games and sit in bed 

and watch. A whole week would go by and all I’d have done was just research sports shit and watch games back to back to back. It’s crazy. 

I eventually graduated from college and got accepted to grad school. I moved states and am now currently a grad student. It’s been a long 2018. I’ve maxed out my cards multiple times and even resorted to 

asking for money from my parents to help with groceries, rent, books, etc.. just to gamble or to try and pay down debt. I feel so guilty about who I am and what I’ve become. Theres been periods where my debt got so 

high I was forced to quit until I could pay it back. But then once I payed it back, literally within a week, I always deposit something small into a betting account. Then it turns into more, then more, then next thing I know

my card is maxed again. This cycle has repeated at least three times and I’ve only gambled for a couple years. The stress of this is just crushing me. My girlfirend thinks I stopped as of a couple months ago but 

just last week I ran up my card again. I haven’t told her and she’s the only one who really knows what I’ve struggled with. I can’t tell my parents becuase I am too ashamed. I try to fake like I’m happy and like everything is ok

and I make up excuses for wanting to save money and not go do things. I know my story probably sounds soft compared to most on here. I know people have probably been in much worse situations which is one of the reasons

I haven’t gone to meetings for my addiction. But for me, this is a living hell. I feel stuck with this habit and in this cycle where the gambling just takes control of me. I have conversations with people where I’m just like

counting down in my head until the game I need to watch later that day. The football game will come on and I’m glued to the TV. My whole mood and existence is in the hands of a damn sporting event. It’s mind

blowing. 

I’m looking for a second job now to help me pay down my debt this time. I’m going to have to grind hard to get back to even but the most important thing for me is to just get this out there and to look for some

kind of support to hold me accountable because I have to just admit to myself that I can’t do this alone. I’ve lost a lot about who I am becuase I’ve been so focused on pending wagers. It’s like my brain has just resorted to one

function for so long. I don’t want to grow old and have kids and be betting away their livelihoods but at this rate that’s where I’m headed. I want to be present in my life and start to have goals again instead of 

half-assing everything exept my gambling research. I know this story wasn’t the best of structures and I feel like there’s so much more than what I’ve said. It’s truly hard to explain just how long the road has felt.

But thankyou to anybody who has read this and good luck to you guys on your paths. 

As for me, this is day 1. 

[justin9898]

I’m not sure why my text came out this way but I apologize for the difficulty to read. Any tips on this would be appreciated, thanks

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[MurrS7]

Reading your story and it’s all too familiar brother. I’m 29
Now and have been gambling on and off for 10 years. We start off betting small 20-50$ and we get so upset when we lose. Then we become desensitized to the value of a dollar and start betting thousands. It’s a sick disease but the good thing is we are in control of it if we truly want to quit. For me in was casinos, roulette and blackjack. I know all about chasing losses , even when we get our money back to
Even , we think we can be smarter with our gambling but in reality we just end up losing it all again and more. I’d say I’ve lost well over 200k since I’ve been 18, my
Most recent binge of 2 months was about 60k in and out of my hands at the casino, winning and then losing it all and then chasing and then winning it back and losing it all again. It’s actually the wind that hurt us most, we feel invinsinle, we feel on top of the world, very empowering feeling . But oh boy do this ever losses hurt, we self loath, we get depressed, can’t focus on our jobs, school, relationships, it’s really sad. We have to realize that there’s a life outside gambling, a life of happiness (think back before you started betting , how much less stressed you were). It’s so hard to earn a buck and we just throw it all away in a couple
Of hours, hoping on the flip of a card or a sports match to help us get rich. I suggest you seek help brother, block yourself from all online betting site, open up to your gf, family, for support. It seems like you have a good life , young, educated, and good people in your corner. The good thing is also you are still young enough to recover from this financial loss and you can get the money back in no time. But if you continue man, you will lose a lot more of your money, your youth, and your mental health when these should be some of the best years of your life. I went 40 days gamble free until New Years, relapsed and lost about 3k in an hour playing blackjack, now I stared over again and I’m on day 16. Next time you have the urge to bet, just remember the feeling of losing. Remember it’s not worth it. There is a life outside of this addiction and it can be so beautiful . I know it seems like it’s all we know is to gamble, but I truly believe we can overcome this disease through hard work and determination. We are all in your corner. Keep posting , keep your journal active, we will battle these demons together. God bless you

[MurrS7]

Sorry for the spelling, typing on my phone is a pain !

[justin9898]

Thank you so much for sharing bro. It feels good to know somebody can relate. I’ve been thinking a lot today about just how crazy the last two years have been for me. I want to have a fully clear head again, where I can just focus on my daily life. It feels as if gambling has taken so much of my natural ambition. Like i went all in on trying to get rich by being lucky, instead of going out in the world and putting the work in to earn my money and save it the right way.

I wish you well on your journey too. I’m not too far from 29. The question is will I be able to stop myself from throwing in a small casual bet once I get out of my current jam. I like your advice of remembering the feeling of losing. I almost have to treat this like a drug addiction.. in the sense that I can’t just have a small casual dose of gambling.. because I know what it will eventually bring me to. 

[justin9898]

I think one of the saddest parts about being a compulsive sports gambler is the fact of what it does to someones relationships with sports. For me, my whole life I grew up loving to play and watch sports. And now, it’s like I can’t watch a game without having action on it. Actually, if I’m not betting now I can’t even watch a game. It feels like a waste of time. Pretty sad. With the NFL semifinals and super bowl coming up it’s going to be harder than ever not throw money into my account, especially because I feel like I KNOW who’s going to win these games. My friends are all going to want to get together and watch it, so this will be a true test of self control.

[MurrS7]

im a big sports guy also bro, been one my whole life. Surprised I never got into betting on it. I was always a casino guy. fell  in love with Vegas . A true gambler will always say they know. When you just said you know who’s going to win. It reminded me so much of myself sayinf I KNEW IT WAS GONNA HIT THAT NUMBER ON ROULETTE. I shoulda put that side bet down I knew those cards were coming. Look man this gambling, sports are just as tricky, underdogs win often! Injuries happen! upsets happen everyday! I always think of March madness for this example, it’s the beautiful thing that I’ve always loved about sports. We never know who’s gonna show up to play that day, even pros have off games. Just remember your old life before betting, how fun was it to cheer for your favorite team, it’s like euphoria when you see that game winning td or buzzer beater(big basketball fan) you can get back to a life of enjoyment of sports without worrying about losing this months rent or grocery money. We all have the power to change, and at times it may seem like there’s no hope. The human brain is so powerful. I believe you in you man. damn, even if you get the urge to bed, reach out to me here. Really wanna see everyone beat this demon. Take care of yourself bro. 

-Steve

[justin9898]

you’re exactly right, we watch sports because they’re unpredicatable. and it’s a false sense of confidence when I win these bets, because then I credit the wins to my own knowledge of the sport. But then when I lose, I attribute it to bad luck, or i say „this won’t happen next time I’ll pick smarter“. The false sense of control is what leads me back to it time and time again, thinking I can decide my own fate. But really, throwing on these games is just as much of a long shot as putting money into roulette or into a slot machine. There’s no skill involved. Hell, most of the cappers I took picks from were wrong more than I was, and they claim to bet on sports for a living. I know it’s only day 2 but I’ve told myself there’s no going back. I’m not going to bet on these upcoming games no matter what. Self banned myself today from the website I’ve been using. I’m pretty much already self banned from everything else that’s well known in the industry. I’m reading through a lot of forums here and realizing I’m not alone. Thank you for the offer to reach out Steve I really appreciate that. Take care of yourself too. We’re gonna beat this thing for good man.

[Autor]

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