[Ze2019]

Hello to everyone reading this. I am very new to this having just signed up, i have never spoken out about my gambling problem to anyone before so literally don’t know where to start.
Well firstly to put things into perspective, it is 04:20 in the morning, and I am not able to sleep because I am so distraught and stressed about losing my months salary within the first day that I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I don’t want to bore anyone just want to get it all off my chest. So it all started about less than 2 years ago where I was in full time work but the money was not very good at all, actually do not know how i managed it for like a year. It was in that job that i was first you could say introduced or more so attracted to the habits of gambling because on a weekly basis another colleague who was an avid gambler at the time would constantly be betting and playing slots but always would seem to be telling me about their wins and how much they would win on a daily or weekly. This really got me thinking how easy it was to increase my money without thinking of the consequences. Prior to this i never really gambled or thought about gambling in my life.

I initially started playing slots which i very quickly got really addicted to it and thats all i have been doing since. I started having some really big wins but started getting greedy then losing all the money, chasing losses by thinking it didnt take me long to win a particular amount of money so should not take so much to win it all back. Over 2 years it was a vicious cycle constantly winning a little but then losing a lot, and each time i lose all the money i had been paid i would beat myself up about it thinking how can you be so stupid, why do you not learn!!. I say this but then end up doing it again. It got so bad where i ended up taking out 3/4 loans to fund this habit and ended putting myself in a lot if debt and owing friends money. I have a wife that initially didnt know about what i was doing so when she eventually knew after i kept getting myself in a bad situation not able to pay anything, we would argue and argue and yet she would help me out on a couple of occasions but that just made me feel so weak and pathetic having to ask my wife to give me money when i’m supposed to be the man of the house!

Fast forward to today, i just got paid and i owe a lot of money still and even to family members that i thought if i just give the slots another go i can hopefully make some extra money to pay them and have some extra to enjoy for the month. I ended up losing my entire months salary and unlike before i am on a better wage. i am so fed up of going through the same cycle and feeling down and depressed feeling so pathetic. I used to think of myself as strong minded before but gambling has definitely got the better of me. I never gambled for fun it was always to make more money and add to my income. But now i have lost it all i dont know what to do, i dont have any money to pay my bills my mortgage, i cant even take out any more loans etc because i have ruined my credit! I have now self excluded from all online gambling sites i can think of but dont know how that will help now. I hate gambling! It has mentally destroyed me and physically made me weak.

[Meghna83]

Believe in yourself because it is YOU alone who will need to tread this path. It’s a long process but a very rewarding one. You will get that confidence and strength back as soon as you have the courage to say “no more!”

Though it seems like youre in a loop of gambling and regret, it CAN stop. It starts with saying to yourself “this will stop. I will not spend another penny on this destructive habit!” And it is a habit, a fast moving, toxic habit that makes us become zombies, slaves to a money making scam. Those so called wins were not wins. Ask your rational self, did I actually benefit financially from it or am I at a loss?

Take one day at a time to focus on your recovery. Open upto your wife because she needs to know what you are facing and will help you to put obstacles in your way to stop you from gambling 

ultimlately, it starts with yourself, YOU actually wanting to stop and placing obstacles in place, including transfering your salary to a close one’s account until you have had enough GF days to think rationally about this habit. Stopping will allow you be clear of the haze that gambling creates and really look good and hard at your financial situation, your life and yourself. It’s only then that you can repair, rebuild and find peace of mind.

You will find yourself again. Make today a gamble free day. Make yourself a promise that you will not gamble anymore and focus on each day to make that happen. Those GF days will add up to finally put you in a better place than you are in right now.

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[portnoy58]

What do you think you would have done if during this latest gambling bout you had actually got ahead, as you put it, got a little bit extra for the rest of the month?

I’ll consider this question a little later. But I want you to know I identify with your sense of isolation and loneliness and now of despair and perhaps a sense that your head might explode. I know exactly where you are because my gambling took me exactly there too. You need to understand you are not alone and help might be nearer than you think.

You’ve been brave enough to describe your circumstances candidly here. You’ll hopefully discover that meeting other people like you and me in real time, in the flesh so to speak, is the next step and will help you hugely in stopping and in staying stopped. I urge you to try to get a meeting of GA or any of the other self help groups that you can get to.

One of the things that really helped me at my first meeting was listening to others talking about their gambling and realizing that I was not alone and that many others were facing the kind of insanity that gambling was causing me; I also learned that a lot of these people had stopped gambling completely and were putting their lives back together again.

So what happened when I gambled and got ahead? Did I take my winnings and pay off bills and credit cards? Nope. At best I went on alcohol and drug fueled binges when I had those winning days but usually what happened was this. I tried to win some more, get more ahead. And ultimately I got in deeper and deeper and lost more and more. After the binges I was soon back in action losing what remained of my winnings and then losing more and more. A vicious circle.

Let me assure you of one thing. You will do the same thing with your next pay check unless you get your finger out. If you carry on you will consider more and more desperate things like more loans and might even consider thieving if you haven’t done so already. It is sadly a downward spirral.

Finally what you describe is not a financial problem. Sure, gambling leaves you skint but whatever damage you have done financially can probably be put right in time. The solution is to stop gambling and to learn how to live one day at a time free of gambling.

Good luck and please be brave.

[Ze2019]

Thank you all for your comments and advice, it really is nice to have some support and as cliche as it sounds, although its not good for anyone to go through it at all, its good to know I am not going through this alone, the world is not just against me as it seems. Regardless I have not had any relapse to gamble but instead i have been feeling down about all the money I have lost and trying to figure out how I can earn or get the money back because now my bills are starting to get the better of me. I genuinely do not want to gamble again, it is just a disease that is run by the big players of the game who have nothing to lose and prey the less fortunate because we want that life!

I just sick of it and wish these gambling sites were all taken down would make this a much more better world.

[Steev]

I know it is tempting to look at blaming the gambling industry for our addiction – but please concentrate on yourself and your own recovery at this point.

You wrote: „I have been feeling down about all the money I have lost and trying to figure out how I can earn or get the money back because now my bills are starting to get the better of me. I genuinely do not want to gamble again …“

So please do not chase losses – it sounds like it was chasing losses that put you here this month – and if you keep doing what you are doing you will sink further and further. Banning yourself from gambling sites is a great first step. Handing control of your money to a trusted family member will be another. You stated that you don’t have money to pay the bills and the mortgage – does your wife live with you – is she not affected by this? If you hand over control (and I know that will be hard) at least you will know that you will not lose your home etc.

The other thing would be to get support for the next few days / weeks when things will be difficult. If you can find a self-help group like GA or if you can access counselling or group therapy to share what you are going through. Finally see if you can get good unbiased financial advice to help you through the crisis you are in. Again GA or similar may help – or you could try ringing a crisis line – such as befrienders in your area.

I hope you can focus on your own recovery and find a way through this. I wish you well.

[portnoy58]

Hey Ze2019 do you notice that by virtue of not having access to any money and by sharing your experiences you are able to say that you are NOT gambling? You might not appreciate the positive aspect of sharing your experience – it reminds me and countless others of what it used to be like. Who really knows how many other people might be anonymously following your thread and identifying with your situation?

Let me offer some observations. No disease that I can think of is actually run by big companies. Your solution is not in the companies that make huge profits from gambling. Rather the solution is in you. Take a look in the mirror and yes, you’re now looking at the problem.

I strongly endorse the suggestions that Steev has made. Get rid of your access to money; debit cards, bank cards, credit cards, cash, everything. Entrust them to your wife. Ask her to give you pocket money on a daily basis. Of course you should explain to her what has happened and why you want her to hold all this stuff. This is simply to get you through the next few months without gambling. A critical moment for you is when you next get paid – if you cannot access this money then you cannot gamble it away in 24 hours. Not gambling it means no exploding head either.

I used to bet in the bookies; a few weeks after I had stopped I found myself thinking it would be a nice idea to drop into the various bookies I used to frequent to give my ‚mates‘ Christmas cards!!! Some more experienced people than I was at that time rolled about in laughter at this idea when I shared it with them bu they readily understood this was my version of the insanity of compulsive gambling. Thank goodness I had the benefit of their advice and for once I acted on it.

Good luck and try to keep it nice and simple by not gambling for one day at a time. Forget tomorrow or next week or next month – today is the day and try to get through it and get your head down on the pillow without any form of gambling.

[Ze2019]

At the moment its not that I am thinking about gambling for more money or covering losses, I am actually just really angry with myself for putting myself through it over and over again which does affect my health and wellbeing and attitude on a daily because because I take things out on my family even when I know I am probably in the wrong. I can say this that the only gambling I did was online, I never had the urge of going to an actual bookies it was not my kinda place I preferred to gamble in my own space. I have blocked myself from all gambling sites so even if i did get the urge to chase past losses i know it wouldn’t happen because every single site has excluded me.

And by knowing this as well it makes me not think about trying to gamble because I know my details would be on radar for any of the companies.

I am just going to take baby steps at a time and try not to think about it too much but like i mentioned i cannot help but feel very angry with myself.

[portnoy58]

Hi Ze2019 thanks for sharing where you are at and for reminding me of the rage I used to feel as a result of gambling and losing. It’s really painful stuff. Who, after all, sprays their money about as if it is ammo being fired from a machine gun? These feelings can become very powerful indeed overwhelming and without support they can be too much. Solution: gamble. That was certainly my approach. Gambling became my fix in the sense that it seemed to offer an escape myself from my problems. My internal dialogue with self was about entitlement: I am entitled to have a bet and a few hours of fun. In reality I was getting in deeper and deeper and was so overwhelmed by debt that I believed the only solutun to my problems was to gamble. And ultimately that meant losing and that meant more and more rage and anger.

Early on in my time with GA I remember another ‚experienced‘ member quite literally exploding at me because I challenged him about something utterly unimportant. For my troubles I was on the receiving end of a ten minute rant and I remember looking at this guy as he ranted about having achieved thirty-three years without having a bet blah-blah-blah and what I remember thinking as this rant went on was that if I make it to thirty-three years I don’t want to be like this. I would like to be floating through the clouds, unflappable, happy, at peace with world and my fellow travellers. I am about half way there and I am happy to say my levels of rage and anger are minimal these days but they are still there and I am capable of getting angry; but I am equally capable of recognising when I am in the wrong and when I am not.

Back to you, Ze2019. You now have a real sense that this business of compulsive gambling is not simply about winning and losing but that there are a huge range of emotions at play here. WHat might make it difficult for your nearest and dearests is that they don’t actually know where you are at right now. If you get angry you might care to explain to them what is going on and why you are a little tetchy. They might be able to support and encourage you. As I and others have said before you might want to check out some support like GA or any other groups. It’s much easier doing this with others than doing it on your own. Your peers in such a setting will offer support, acknowledgement and suggestions to you and perhaps enable you to realise the reality of stopping gambling and in turn your contributions can only help yourself and others.

As before it is about today. Don’t gamble today. Deal with tomorrow’s problems tomorrow. Try to acknowledge gratitude for your 24 hour reprieve if you make it to bed tonight and haven’t had a bet. Thanks also because you are helping me too by reminding me of how it once was.

[Autor]

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