[ehollywood]

I have been struggling with gambling for close to twenty years. Like many, I have had many times where I won decent money but could never stop gambling until I spent every cent I had.

Strangely about 2 years ago I received a small no deposit bonus and turned it into a great deal of money. I told my wife about it and successfully withdrew it. I continued winning and was able to use that money for some medical stuff and a house down payment. I was previously a heavy drinker and have been able to stop doing that as well.

I am in the best position I’ve been in professionally and have been keeping my gambling in check. I say all of this because things were going great.

About a month ago I put a small amount of money onto a gambling site. I won some money then put more on another site. Miraculously with that money I won more than my salary for an entire year. They limited how much I can withdraw at a time and offered almost no help when I tried to limit myself from losing the money. I told my wife about it and we had all these plans for the money. Inevitably I lost all of it. I lied to my wife and told her that they won’t pay because they’re a scam site.

My wife doesn’t think I have a problem because since meeting her gambling has afforded us things we wouldn’t have otherwise.

I know I’ve had a problem for a long time and being able to cash out winnings is more luck than anything.

Losing this huge win that could have been a life changing amount of money is now really weighing on me. I know technically I only list winnings that I never would have born without reckless gambling in the first place.

I just don’t know how to move past winning and then losing so much money in a short time. To me winning and losing is much worse than never have gambling at all. Even if I am in the same financial position in both cases.

My job is still secure, and I did not take on any debt. I think the size of the win then loss made me realize it will be impossible to win again. Which has kept me from wasting more money.

Right now I am trying to get over the thoughts of what could have been. While also freeing myself from the hold gambling on me. I can also get out before I put myself and family into debt or cause other destruction.

Simply put, I’m trying to save myself from myself. As well as trying to move on from the recent massive win that I then lost.

[Autor]

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