Thank you Vera, Geordie and P.
Of course my mum gets it – I have never heard her so pleased with me – I said I am going to shock you but I have been attending GA. She wa so happy – maybe she worried and maybe she knew .
P, yes something is different now – I will never be able to claim powerlessness again – because I know the consequences and I know that I can’t stop. Knowledge is power and I have knowledge .
Geordie , thank u for your continued support .
Vera that’s was a great reply – u get me !
U get what it’s like to constantly feel like the least valued person in your hosuehold by the person who should value you most!
So we need to value ourselves enough .
We raised our kids to the best of our ability –
If as adults that wasn’t good enough – tough !
Let them find someone who loves them more out In that hard world .
I see kids who are abandoned who idolise their parents !
We did our best – and no one anywhere had ever done more than that .
They say you must be selfish about your recovery – I am going to take it a step further and be selfish in my recovery .
I am going to seek happiness for me .
I am no longer content to be held back by my f&f- with their manilulation, long suffering Vicitm and poor me games .
Wish I had made these decisions earlier – but I guess like a lot of escape gamblers I put everyone else first until I could do it no longer – and then gambling gave me a bit of space .
I guess it’s the old cliche – give a dog a bad name …
Somehow I fell into the role where my f&f had reason to justify their martyrdom .
No more !
Day 35 tomorrow – five weeks .
Treated my mates to a gorgeous meal tonight – sat there and had such fun in my new clothes – life is good !