Thankyou for the kind comments. I’m definitely pushing myself through this. I’m struggling alot with the breathing and of course being caged up. I’m lucky however that I live in a beautiful spot. I managed to sit myself on the edge of my trailer and I looked around the farm I’m on and all these different animals were staring at me from there „caged“ up spots. They’re all well looked after but animals don’t get to be free like us humans so I empathized looking over at a puppy he was staring at me from his fenced area and to my left a cat was staring at me from the window of the house ( house cat), the sheep were looking at me from there fenced barriers and the dogs were roaming around in there with them. I suddenly appreciated the value that we have as people to just be free to do whatever we want. My brain has been trying to go to a depressed plce but I fight it.Everyday I talk to my friends or family though and try to remeber this isn’t forever. I don’t think about gambling I just think about the damage I did from it. I’ve been working really hard on the forgiveness to myself for what I’ve done. Being in isolation makes you think alot more about it that’s for sure. The main thing is addiction is formed from trauma and I no that if I never want to go back there I have to keep continuing to heal all parts of myself. Even anything new that may arise. Even this situation alone could be considered traumatic its horrible and scarey not being able to breathe and the isolation is not good for us humans. I’m definitely not going to let some virus take me out thats for sure. I have food, I have water and hot water, I have a shelter even if it’s not ideal it’s better than some have. I have people that love and care about me I have alot to be grateful for and need to remeber that alot right now.
