[Raynor98k]

Hello Everyone,

Hope everyone is doing well. It has been a while since I have posted, but I am doing okay. I have money now and am slowly paying off debt, and that’s a win in my book. However, I have been struggling with something that has really been bothering me lately, and that is, trying to find my lifes purpose.

I used to play poker a lot, and I actually did enjoy it (especially online), but I did not have the discipline to use my bankroll effectively, and I realized I was extremely vulnerable to gambling, so I stopped. My biggest issue now has been a constrant struggle with myself as to what my passion is. The thought of being my own boss excites me, so I can link that idea to playing poker online as a profession. However, these are false profecies brought on by an addiction. Another dream of mine was to be a professional gamer. I play video games everyday (I have since I was 5), and I love the competitive nature of them. The thought of sustaining myself by beating the best players excites me as well, but then I pull myself back to reality because it is not quite reasonable at this time in my life. They bring me the “rush” gambling did, but at least I am not emptying my bank account playing them. Still, I may want to cut back on them a bit.

Anyhow, back to my original point. I have been so caught up in high adrenaline activites my whole life, that whatever I think I want to do with my life I feel is a false idea. I know I don’t actually want to be a pro poker player, but the thought excites me. I might (but probably don’t) want to be a pro gamer, but the idea also excites me. I don’t hate my job right now, but at this point, it is just a paycheck. I do know that I want to do something on my own so that I can prove to myself that I can. I want to be able to work hard, but also really believe in what I am doing. I’ve always thought it would be cool to have a game studio someday, but I am not 100% about it. I do know one thing, if I keep waiting to pull the trigger, I will spend my whole life arguing with myself about what I should do.

People have told me I need goals, but my goals are very generic (buy a house, save for retirement, etc). I want adventure, I want excitement, I want freedom. If anyone else has struggled with this, I would love to hear your story as well. Take care and thanks for reading.

–Nick

[Paul Dent]

Hi Sara

Good to hear that you are making such positive progress and that mediatating and exercise are providing some of the answers. I hope that you can continue to find support through the community here at GT and if you need any advice, please do not hesitate to reach out on the helpline

Paul

[i-did-it]

Hi Raynor

I so hate the humdrum of every day life .
If you work hard your whole life you might own a house at the end of it – like what good is that ? Who cares when your life is over and you have been enslaved for ever paying for it . On the other hand I guess I am forced to pay my mortgage every month so some day I will have a nest egg- it will probably be taken by the government to pay for my care home !

Yes I too crave excitement. I want to be free to live on my own and I too would love Ito he my own boss.
However , I tend to be poorly motivated and I guess I would end up dying of starvation .

Raynor I guess these are the characteristics which make us want to gamble . We want excitement and freedom and ironically these are the very things gambling takes from us.

Hope you are having a great day !

[Johnny B]

Idi

That is a terrific paragraph….The characteristics of gambling, that make us want to gamble, are exactly what gambling takes away from us.

That is profound, and I applaud you again on your recovery.  You must truly be accepting, and controlling your life to see exactly why gambling is corrupt (for lack of a better word).  It preys upon us.  I wont call us weak, because it is us on this site that have taken control of our lives back, and it has taken every bit of my strenght to do it.

Do I want to play again.  A most resounding yes!.  Can I play again.  Not if I know what is good for me.  The progress I (we) have made is something I do not want to have to start over again.  I spent 30 years wondering why I didn’t have the resoursces that my peers had….and there is one simple answer..  I gambled way more than any of them did.

 But one thing I can say, Is I think I am more in touch with myself than I ever was, and I understand, and enjoy life much more in the last five months that I have been behaving myself.

Best wishes, keep up the good work, and solid words of encouragement!

Johnny B

[Monica1]

Thanks for writing it. We are so alike in that I find the humdrum of life to be tedious in extreme. I like variety and am easily bored. So what do we do?

[finding_laura]

Learn to find joy in every task. I remember reading someone that proposed even doing something like dishes should be enjoyed in the moment. Think about it. Hot clean soapy water. Bubbles and scent and the sound of running water as you rinse a dish. Is there sun shining in the window? Music playing in the background? No matter the task there is something that can be appreciated. Dirty dishes mean food to eat and full bellies and a contented family. Running water and the convenience of just being able to turn a tap means convenience and time saving. All this from a simple usually disliked chore. Thanks for your insight IDI and sharing.

Thanks Raynok for this original post. If there were no restrictions on your life I’m sure you could find adrenaline in a satisfying way. Only your imagination would be your limit. For example, you could volunteer for an organization who goes to foreign countries and provides aid. Would be fulfilling and I’m sure there would be some adrenaline involved in going to some of these places and dealing with crisis. But that may not be what you want. So perhaps try and think of what else you want out of how you spend your time earning a living. And your time away from work. I think I’ve joked about sky diving before! But seriously, it’s a big question on how to live a satisfying life. It’s good that we are thinking about it. I used to just react to life. Now I try and plot a bit more of a course.
Laura

[i-did-it]

Hi Raynor ,
We all seem to have hijacked your thread – I hope all is good with you and you post soon.
Laura I am laughing because if there was a sun in the window I would think I should not waste that sun and probably would leave the dishes .

What helps me with household tasks is watching hoarders on my phone – it triggers some very deeply hidden urge to clean !
I guess so should watch it more often !

Earlier today I came across the comments on my earlier post on this thread – I had to laugh – must be the first time anything I have said was described as profound !

Gambling is full of ironies – perhaps we should start a thread on this topic.

It is all about getting what u are trying to avoid !

[Forfatter]

Indlæg