[Tyguy33]

Hi everyone, this is my first post here.

This is now the third time for me that I have gotten myself into a major mess. Hopefully third time is a charm and it will be the last.

I have no savings, but I am fortunate to have a good job. Which is both a blessing and a curse because lately it just tends to mean that I have more money to gamble away rather than put to good use.

I have self-excluded myself from the local casino, which is good for me because I am in a remote, so they know me. Unlike if I was in a city and could just blend in. The problem lately is that in the town I live in, there are VLTs at some of the bars and restaurants. I have spent a lot of time there recently.

The total amount that I owe is about $7000. Not as bad as I’ve had in it the past. First time this happened I was $23000 in debt. Second time I ended up declaring bankruptcy. Fortunately, of the $7000, not all of it is from gambling. $2000 is owing still for my car, $1000 is for other stuff, but the $4000 left is from gambling.

If I had been smarter, rather than going into debt further, I could have paid off the $3000 that I owe and be debt free and free of all this burden.

The major problem now is that I recently got paid last week, and I blew it all! I have never done that before, I have always stopped myself. But this time I let it all good. Ended up not having money for rent or anything left to pay any of my bills. I ended up borrowing from my aunt, who fortunately is a psychologists and understands addiction. I am under intense scrutiny from her to assist with getting my finances in order and thankfully so.

My girlfriend, who is living in Asia right now is expecting me to visit her in February. She has no idea about any of this. She knew I had gambling issues before we met but no idea of anything new now. She is very good with money and has been very helpful to me in the past to budget, and when she was here I stayed away from gambling altogether. If we get married I plan to let her handle all finances. I would happily just hand my salary to her and let her manage our household finances.

I can still afford to go visit her, but she is expecting that I will have saved some money or be debt free. I am thinking to sell my car to create some short term cash flow to pay everything off. I live in a small town and can walk to work. I don’t drive anything fancy, just an older Honda Civic, but I figure I could get about $3000-$4000 for it, and that cash, combined with my salary, I could be debt free by the end of the year. Just in time for traveling to Asia. For now I will just visit her, but most likely I will relocate and we will get married. She is not going to want to marry me if I am gambling, so I have got to change this lifestyle! I don’t want to lose her! She is a good woman for me.

My goals right now are to get rid of this debt ASAP, stay away from gambling and get myself back on the right track!

[Monica1]

Dear Tyguy33
Well done for posting on this forum which is for recovering compulsive gamblers. As you may know, tyguy, compulsive gambling is a progressive illness and only gets worse. Thankfully, you have not hit rock bottom but I think even you can see the progressive nature of the illness. I too hit rock bottom and spent my rent money and everything in my bank account which I had never done before. The repossession order on my home woke me up to,do,something about this. Your job is a blessing, believe me. Don’t let it get so bad that you ,owe your job. When we are addicted to gambling things happen to shake us out and realise what we are doing to ourselves. Your girlfriend in the longer term or your aunt in the short term handling the finances is a good idea. You have time on your side and you can stop this addiction for good. Compulsive gamblers never win, it just goes back until we are left with nothing. Is there a GA where you are or any addictions counselling? You do need to get some support as without it it is almost impossible to quit. You also must self exclude from any local casinos or on line sites. This addiction will destroy your life, no doubt about they. You have time on your side to rebuild your life. Oh, and tell your girlfriend. Good luck!

[Tyguy33]

Thank you for your kind message Monica.

I have told my girlfriend. We were videochatting this morning and she was asking me about finances, and I was trying to dodge the question… she was getting annoyed with me. It was at that point I realized I couldn’t hide it from her any longer. I sent her a few emails explaining whole situation, what has happened, what I am doing to fix it, and how bad and remorseful I am about everything. It’s nighttime over there now, so we will see her response when she gets it when she wakes up, and then we’ll see what happens from there.

Yes, thankfully I have come to terms with everything before it got even worse. I am working to making things right. There is addictions counselling which I have started attending. In a few months time I will have sorted everything out. For now I just need to take it a day at a time.

[Monica1]

You are doing all the right things tyguy. It has to be baby steps one day at a time. I admire your courage to email your girlfriend but sorry it was not possible to tell her verbally. Good luck and I hope that she is able to support you on,your recovery journey. Keep posting.

[velvet]

Hello Tyguy and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[finding_laura]

Hi Tyguy and welcome to the forum. It takes a lot of courage to fess up but I think you have done the right thing. Starting off your marriage with secrets would likely weigh you down. Hopefully she understands and forgives you but no matter what you have to stop gambling for you ! Keep using supports to help you with this addiction. Laura

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