Hi Laura, well done on coming here and being honest.
Geordie has made some good, tough points and vera has asked the question that we all need to answer – What can you do differently?
You already know some of those “differentlys” Accountability, getting to GA. The question you have to decide is whetehr to do that now? Or later when possibly deeper in the mire.
Lack of cash is an issue, are things manageable financially? Ifnot then get some proper financial advice as well. there are a lot of options around these days, from some sort of repayment plan through to bankruptcy.
Keep posting. Let us know the positive steps that you are taking.