[dajakesta]

How I started gambling:

It was my 19th birthday, I started online hunting for some bonuses and trying to find ones that are positive in expected value (low wagering requirement). The result was that I ground out about 5k with bonus hustling and I thought I could use this to supplement my nonexistant income and treat this like a second job. I was way above expectations, probably around 2 standard deviations up, I would say. Then, one day, my mom took me to build a investing portfolio, where I contributed around 2.8k (winnings) and she contributed around 10k. After this, I had an unhealthy thought that I would win more with the winnings I had and would quit as soon as the action dried up. Boy was I wrong. I started chasing my losses and the first few times it worked and I was estatic. I managed to get another 300 dollars in profit, sitting pretty at 2.5k and then everything came crashing down. First to 1.7k, then to 2k, 1.5k, 1.9k, 1.2, 700, and then I hit rock bottom at 0. A big fat 0… I was in a state of shock. I couldn’t believe that I lost so much. It came to me that I could use my credit cards to deposit, it seemed like money that I loan and if I were to win, I would return the money and withdraw via cash advance, what a great idea. You guys know what happened after. I made another 600, withdrew, then lost it all back plus the 500 dollar limit that I had. At the time, I was scared as all hell. I don’t know where I could get more money to repay the amount in full. It was due in 10 days and I only get paid bi-weekly at my job. Then I thought about taking money out of the investment portfolio that my mom and I created. That’s when I was heading down this dark road of gambling addiction and I felt super awful. Everyday I was trying to chase my losses. Sometimes I got to even money and I even told myself to stop. But the other side of me said „look, if you stop now, you won’t have any money to spend and you won’t be able to go on a trip to Japan. If you win, you would return the money and go on a trip to Japan, won’t that be more lovely?“ I knew I should have ignored this thought but I just couldn’t. I started winning at first, playing 5-10 dollars, cashing out 300 here and there, but never getting to my old „5k glory“ so I kept chasing and chasing and finally, I lost it all. I maxed out 2 credit cards for a grand total of 2k, maxed out my debit cards‘ over draft for a total of 400 and my portfolio is messed up with 5k missing, some of it lost in the stock market and most of it due to withdrawals that I made trying to repay gambling debt. I’m trying to turn over a new leaf and start and the first thing I did was close all my online accounts and swear off gambling until I am able to pay off my credit cards, nurse my investment portfolio to normal and give back my mom the 10 grand she putted in my investment portfolio.

Today is the first day I didn’t lay down a bet and it feels pretty good. Got myself exercising and applied to new jobs, trying to make a higher salary.

[milkncereal]

The swings are always the reason it becomes a compulsive behavior. the desire to break even or come out ahead truly crushes all our logical thoughts as gamblers.

i took all my cards out of my wallet except my debit card which is only money i had and not a line of credit. i put these away in a drawer with a letter attached addressed to myself. why i cant use the cards for gambling.

that helped mitigated alot of my urges.

Also think what if you never gambled? you’d very likely be in japan right now because you wouldnt be in your current financial situation

[dajakesta]

Not quite, but if I were to quit at 5k, i would have travelled to japan

[dajakesta]

3rd day without laying down a bet, feels very promising and freeing but the urge is still there

[charles]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hi and well done on looking for help. Read the other stories here, you will see a lot that you will realte to. You will aslo see the success stories – what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?

It helps to take things one day at a time. One thing jumps out at me though as typical of the thoughts of a compulsive gambler:

„….. and swear off gambling until I am able to pay off my credit cards, nurse my investment portfolio….“

Think about it, you are planning to stay off gambling UNTIL things are ok? What then, go back to gambling and start digging another hole?

Does your mum know that you gambled the investment? Trying to keep losses/debts hidden has sent many person back to gambling.

Keep posting and let us know the steps you are taking. Stay gamble free and you will make that trip to Japan. Gamble free we can do pretty much anything we set our minds to.

[dajakesta]

It’s just a goal for now that I have set. I hope that after paying for everything, I wilk stay off of gambling forever due to the sheer length of tine it’ll take to pay off 30k or so

[dajakesta]

4th day of abstinence, don’t quite have the urge to lay down a bet anymore and looking forward to quitting for good

[milkncereal]

kudos on day 4. What have you changed around you to help you make it to today? or was it all just willpower?

[dajakesta]

I went into a very deep conversation with my self and found out that gambling isn’t about the excitement of winning anymore, it’s about resent and regret of losing that much money and trying to recover it by throwing more money at it. If you win a small amount by chance, you will always think about the losses you have sustained and this will dilute the feeling of winning. Since I found that winning isn’t about the thrills anymore and it’s more of a very momentary relief of getting your initial buyin back and a slight positive variation that lies in the inevitable road to loserville.
TL;DR
Gambling turned from winning and feeling the thrills to becoming the abusive husband/wife that sometimes will give you something but most of the time will take everything away, your ego, dignity, money and family.

[dajakesta]

5th day gambling free, went to school, did some swimming and relaxing stuff at home. Stopped going to casinos but can’t stay away from videos of other people playing slots, roulette…etc although I’m more of a blackjack/ultimate texas holdem type of guy >.<

[tonyj]

Hi Dajakesta

It’s great that you have started well,,

I really don’t like the thought of you watching other people playing….. it is a way the gambling addiction entice’s you back in. you need to admit that you can no longer watch or play ANY form of gambling,

I did the same as you and thought after 18 months of abstinence from gambling I could just watch poker and thought it was harmless, it allowed me to think I wasn’t playing so what’s the harm ?
but the thing I done without realising was allow gambling to be a part of my life again, it eventually led me to place a bet which in turn led to another and another and another ( the truth is I couldn’t win if I won I wanted to win more, if I lost I wanted to win back my losses) til I was back into full blown gambling like I had never stopped and eventually lost my business,

If I am serious at stopping I need to stay away from any form of gambling be it watching people on a fruit machine in a pub, watching tournaments on line or even playing with odds and fantasies in my head,,,, I suggest you do the same otherwise it will lead back to somewhere you really don’t want to go and you always sink to new levels, believe me your young and don’t want to take your life there. stop now whilst you have control and take that decision

good luck dude, I wish you well

[dajakesta]

6th day free from gambling, got very restless today due to wakeups by my mom and thought about going but I abstained from it. Tomorrow will be thr hardest day due to the fact that I need to run an errand and the place isvery close to a casino. Another thing is that I give myself set dates that I need to repay the credit card. The pay date I’ve set is 1 week from now and I am short of 2.5k. Hope this pressure won’t take me down the path of destruction that I’ve steered clear of for almost a week

[vera]

Dajakesta, if you go on that errand with NO money you will be safe. The casino won’t lure you in if you are not carrying cash.
Also, I think you would be less stressed if you arrange to pay debts slowly. CGs are impatient. Setting targets that can’t be easily attained often causes us to „try our luck“.
Be careful!
Well done on your gamble free time and your honesty.
Keeping urges secret often leads us down the wrong road.

[dajakesta]

I am going to register for a course, I have to bring money. But, I would have to make sure that I do not bring any extra or else I mighy go down the destructive path again.

[vera]

Can you bring somebody with you or get a money order or a cheque instead of paying by cash?

[dajakesta]

Pretty much out of options, maxed out my credit cards, no money in the bank, cash is the only thing available

[dajakesta]

Hi guys! I abstained from going to the casino today after the errand! I feel so proud of myself but there was a bit of regret of not going even though I know the odds are against me. Do these kinds of urges come up often?

[vera]

Well done!
Just think of the regret you would be feeling if you DID go!
Urges come and go. It’s how you react to them that matters.

[Autor]

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