Today, I decided that my losses made me super sad and I could not take my usual „I have to gain it back“ routine. I decide to use that money instead to buy me a Gamban and blocked computer and phone.
I feel relieved and with the hope I’m going to move forward in life; Gambling has been a big distraction from my life, I have been super stressed at work in the past, went through a break up and had a lot of responsibility money related. However by gambling my problem increased, even at the point I am, I have not hit the bottom low (for once).
My gambling situation has been a struggle for 12 years (ON and OFF); but I never realized before how much damage I did to myself and to my dreams. I felt each time like I could win and continue winning. However luck comes on and off, and control is not sustainable for a compulsive gambler. The only way out this time was to be extreme and move to another direction, without shame or fear.
I have studied all ways to make this life a better ride; I have had nights where I was dreaming the better, nights where I could see myself free from myself; times where only me and myself could conversate about everything and nothing; and believe that happiness is a goal. How bad I was. Happiness is everywhere, every time. The only way is to look the other way.
Happy day 1. January 18 2021