So after just over a week of constant gambling I am back and I am finishing up day 2 into recovery!
After my relapse back into the dark world that is gambling I have learned two things –
*I now know 100% in my heart that I no longer want to gamble. I found myself just wanting to loss the money just so I could stop. Yesterday was hard don’t get me wrong but what is harder is having to face what I have done. The money I have lost. The people who have been hurt a long the way. Was I tempted though? Yes, more than once.
*This is affecting my family. My life as a whole and this can no longer happen. I cancelled lunch with a friend so that I could gamble. It may sound silly but at the time I didn’t realize what I was doing. Its only now with a clearer mind that I see that no matter what my excuse was to her I was actually cancelling to gamble. There a days where I would love nothing more than some adult company (hubby works long hours). I see now that my 7 year old son now notices what it is that I am actually doing and my 3 year old daughter likes to sit beside me and watch.
I do not want them to make the same mistakes that I did.
So as I said I am now finishing up on day 2 and what a hell of a 2 days its been!
Higher barriers are now in place and I am now scheduling my days in advance to make sure that I am always doing something. Boredom is a big factor for me.
I hope you all are doing well on your journey!
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