[bruce1234]

I was so determined not to go out tonight, i signed onto to forum on chat for a couple hours. I had planned on drinking 4 beers to keep me in tonight. I had finished 2 when ther was no one left on line. Once I was left alone all i could think about was gambling and i caved. There is no way i’m going to able to do this on my own, i really need someone to handle my money. I don’t have anyone besides my mom that i trust enough to do it.  And when i tried that last year i felt it was putting such a strain on her, i kept bugging her for money and she wouldn’t give in.  I finally just ordered a new bank card and we never spoke about it again to this day. she never ask about my gambling again. I thought of hiring someone to do it, but could i trust them or does that even matter cause i could always just order anothier card.
I feel like such a failure, i’m not doing what i’ve said so many times i’m going to do i keep giving in to my urges, i feel that its so impossible to stop, although i know better, i’m really not that stupid, which makes matters worse in  a sense because i consider myself a smart person but when it comes to gambling i’m so so dumb.
it’s like smoking i know smoking is bad for me but i do it anyway.
oh my stars! i am so lost – i need a to find someone to shadow me 24/7 to stop me from gambling where on earth will i find this person.
i’m sure your thinking GA – but you don’t know me,i’m so untrusting of people, especially strangers.
the only reason that i can let everything out here is that this site is anonymous, i couldn’t imagine calling a complete stranger to ask for help to keep me away from gambling. i wouldn’t do it, its just not me. I almost lost my house because i wouldnt ask to borrow 600 to cover a payment 7 years ago, and this was before the cg. my financial problems were do to a business loss and a job change not gambling.
i’m so depressed i miss my partner, we split in august and it was by my impulsive choice, i wish he was here to take over my money, i pray everyday he will forgive me a reply to one of my emails.
i feel so alone – i’m lonely and i keep telling myself to get over it because there are people a lot worse off than me in this world. i feel so selfish when i complain about my life.
i’m venting  here, and saying how i feel right now, because from what i was told it what i’m suppose to do on this sight.
i feel bad for being such a cry baby boohoo
i feel like i should be able to take care of myself, and at the same time i feel that i cant
 

[jayson]

Hi bruce1234,
I once phoned a stranger to place a bet, ironicly i wasnt so eager to phone a stranger to stop me from placing a bet !
You never said where and how you gambled, but im sure you have heard this before, their are barriers that can aid the course of recovery, if you carnt bet at your normal haunts, gives you that bit of thinking time, clear your head a little, let the madness of the addiction calm down enough so you urself can challenge it on why im not going to give in.
Many people in the grasp of this addiction, often refuse to see help and expect a simple cure, WHY? well whilst gambleing we were kings/queens of our own make beleive world, we could do anything and more on our own without help. We tend to isolate ourselfs from the real world a trate that continues into recovery in the sence of i can do this alone.Gawd knows many ***** i said i can do this, mainly because i didnt want to admit i had a problem to anyone, let alone a stranger.
You have an addiction and without help , it will only get worse, how worse well that depends on each individual.Many ***** ive often thought why didnt i do this 20 years ago, the answer is quite simple i wasnt ready to.Often think i didnt because i thought i could beat it, i could win big then stop……sadley this never happened.
You need to ask urself are you prepared to do anything to stop gambleing, has the addiction got so bad, has ur desire to stop turned into desperation?
Then you may go after some thought and seek the help you need and deserve, dont be like me and others and think i could have done this 10 years ago.
And the beauty of our recovery is that its our own,you may choose GA you may choose 1-1 counciling, or coming to on-line sites, even residetial treatment, BUT the choice must start with you.
Being here you have made a choice to seek help, your path now is one of ur own destinay….Choose wisley.
Sorry to ramble on
Wish you well in your recovery and hope to hear from u soon in otherwords keep coming back !
JAYSONxTo think is a thought, To do is an action.

[velvet]

 
Hi Bruce
It often does put a strain on others to look after the finances of a CG but provided you don’t give her a hard time when she does it, maybe she can cope.
I assume she knows you have a gambling problem but I doubt she knows how difficult it is for you. Why not ask her if she would like to post in our F&F forum or come into an F&F group?   I promise you she will be looked after.
You went and got another bank card and it was never mentioned again but maybe she is more aware than you think but unable to broach the subject with you. She probably doesn’t know what to do for the best and thinks that ‘she’ is alone with this addiction in her life. I felt alone for 25 years so I do understand.   You could also inform your bank that you are a CG and tell them that you want them to ignore requests for new cards without your mother’s signature. I know it looks as though I am suggesting she treats you as a child but this addiction is so difficult and sometimes you have to find other ways to skin the cat. 
I understand only too well about trusting other people but maybe it is worth a try.
It is good that you are venting and the site is here for you to do just that. It’s most powerful messages though require you to listen just as I am listening to you.
Are you bombarding your partner with emails? You only have to glance in F&F occasionally to know how F&F feel when a CG bombards them. They do not want to react – they want their recovery. They can love the CG but they cannot live in the shadow of the addiction.   Forgiveness is something that takes time and should only be given willingly.
There is a difference between asking to borrow 600 and asking for help. I cannot think of any reason why a non-CG would want to lend a CG 600 but I can think of many reasons why non-CGs want to help but don’t know how to.  
Keep psting
Velvet 
 

[janey]

Hi Bruce
You’re not a cry baby and you’re right, you’re not stupid. The person you are so desperately looking for to "stop you gambling" is you. We can support you and so can GA if you let them but no one has a magic wand for you. Being in recovery means that at ***** you will have to do things that make you uncomfortable or even frightened and that means having difficult conversations and opening up to people that you wouldn’t ordinarily open up to.
You called yourself a "failure" you’re not a failure Bruce because you haven’t given up on recovery even though it sounds as though you are finding it really tough. That shows me that you have courage and dedication and overcoming this addiction is important to you.
Harness the feelings you had when you first came here, that desire you had to overcome the addiction no matter what it took because motivation is not a one shot deal.  Just because you felt motivated when you first started on your path to recovery it doesn’t mean that you will always feel so motivated and you may need to revisit your reasons for wanting to change several ***** to keep it all fresh in your mind and maintain your dedication.
I know you feel alone Bruce but we are all here for you in groups and on the forums, all ten thousand plus of us!  We can’t be there to hold your hand or give you a hug but we can be here to offer you acceptance, advice, support and all without judging you one little bit.  You are a funny and intelligent man and I know that people must warm to you as soon as they meet you so reach out offline as well as online and reconnect with friends as well as making new ones.  You deserve to be happy and you are more than capable of making it happen.
Kind Regards
Janey
 

[blueelvis888]

Hi Bruce, A babysitter is what I wanted to control my gambling somebody to drive me to and from work, take me shopping, everywhere I went would shadow my every move so I would and could not stray to those evil places that people lose so much more then just MONEY. The bank card thing you write about I have done that so many ***** with my mum that I have lost ***** . We always promise to stop gambling.Trust is never easy between people as I have found out to my cost many *****.Nobody said gambling is good for you but we still do it. It should carry a government health warning like smoking. Nobody is here to judge you. We are all here for the same reason to refrain from gambling ever again. I have only been using this site a couple of weeks but every spare moment I get , I try to log on and I am so interested in all the stories and advice you can get from this site . And maybe give some of my own if it helps.Not having the willpower to stop gambling was my downfall. As have only stopped gambling for 9 days and *****ing. But it is never ever too late to call a halt to this mindless disease. So I will wish you well and I hope you can summon enough willpower to stop gambling for one day and just take it from there. And maybe one day you can have a gamble free life.– 05/01/2012 19:04:47: post edited by blueelvis888.

[Анонимен]

you sound how i feel alot of days and thats on melt down.  had a bad one yesterday and for no apparent reason.  must be a strange way of our bodies to tell us its had enough and change is called for.  all the stress and drama we put ourselves throw for a few hours of stuffing our lives in a slot takes its toll when we continuously do it for years. we can only beat ourseves silly so long and we know its gotta end. think another bout like i had yesterday would send me to the nut house. its a sign i guess and one i cant ignore no more. guess the madness ends or it continues. no ones choice but our own. hope we both choose wisely

[jen3]

Bruce , you are stronger than you know. You have the courage to keep coming back. You fall down you get right back up. I love it! The get right back up part. You recognize you need help that is half the battle. Maybe you can find a counselor that you can see in person? R there GA meetings near you? Maybe you could find a sponsor to help you?

[jen3]

Bruce , you are stronger than you know. You have the courage to keep coming back. You fall down you get right back up. I love it! The get right back up part. You recognize you need help that is half the battle. Maybe you can find a counselor that you can see in person? R there GA meetings near you? Maybe you could find a sponsor to help you?

[bruce1234]

Thanks to all you for your comments. I keep reading the word "barriers". FYI today i put up a barrier I gave my credit card to my mother. I now need to take action and put up a barrier with my bank card. I can have the bank not allow any cash withdrawls from the instant tellers, its not a magical solution but its a start.
May the force to fight the urges be with you and also with me.

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