[Emma8]

So after months of being gambling free, I relapsed.

I actually made some money, but that’s not the point.
Before it happened I had become VERY comfortable with the fact that I was gambling free and had started to feel like I was untouchable. There’s no way I was going back to it. Then of course I thought, „oh maybe I could just spend £20 then, because I’m fine now“. Classic.

I’m pleased to say that I haven’t done as much damage as I have done many times before. Bills have still be paid, I still have some money in my account and I have already self excluded.
It’s definitely an improvement and I know I have grown a lot.

It still hurts though.

This is week one of being gambling free now. It’s been several days and I have no urge to gamble. But I’m not going to get complacent this time. I’ll stick with this forum, I’ll acknowledge the growth in my finances daily and I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again!

Thanks for taking the time to read, I hope you’re having a good day!

[Relapseking]

Hey emma glad to hear you went straight to gamble free again. Im sure as you know, when you relapse and win, that can sometimes be the worst thing because it tricks you into thinking you can do it again. You can make so much progress financially when you go gamble free for months and then ruin it all in one day of gambling.

Keep visiting back here especially now, and do everything you can to stay away from it. Start adding up the months of being gamble free again, im counting with ya !

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Emma8]

Well it happened again unfortunately, as you said. I didn’t visit the forums every day and instead I just wandered back to the slots. I’m taking a deep breath and trying not to be angry with myself. This is day one again

[Emma8]

I hate this. But I can’t be angry with myself. I knew it was likely to happen and I didn’t do everything I could to stop it. I relapsed and now I’ve spent the majority of the money I had available to me. Thankfully since my last big gambling problem episode at the start of the year I have paid off and closed credit cards so I couldn’t dig myself a deeper hole with those. I did have money in savings though. That hurts. I was ready for Christmas and a few other big things coming up soon.

Deep breath

Instead of spiralling and being upset, I am going to look at the positives. Today is day one. I have work coming in (self employed). This means that soon my bank account will have a bit more money in it. My weekend is busy and so I’ll have little opportunity to even think about gambling. From there, every day I will celebrate my progress. This relapse will be a lesson. I’ll look back at this journal and remind myself of how awful it feels in this moment.

I need a cuppa

[Steev]

Emma – I think it is actually a good thing that you feel so cr*p about your relapse, after all if you were in full flow, this would just be another gambling episode – but it now feels like so much more!
Great that you have come back here, that you have identified that the gambling is a rogue behaviour and not who YOU are.

I don’t feel I can advise you on what to do now – but I can share what I did in the same situation in the hope that it might be helpful to you.

So firstly, I looked at what my triggers were and how I could avoid them in the future. If I can’t avoid them, how can I move in a different way so I don’t get pulled back to the machines.
That led to me thinking about what my gambling urges were trying to tell me. If I accept that my gambling is a symptom of my distress, can I identify what my distress is and what steps I can take to work on it?

So secondly, this is what I did and what the results were:

I journalled, to try and come up what was going on for me – the results …

a) I had managed to stop gambling, in one case for a number of years. Although I felt healed and a lot better in myself, I didn’t feel I had grown as a person. Specifically, I had not taken responsibility for my own life. I was still reacting to things, going with the flow, instead of making things happen. The relapses and urges were telling me that the healing stage had ended and I needed to learn how to grow.
b) My life felt meaningless. It REALLY felt meaningless when I was gambling, but the action of gambling took my mind away from that. Now I wasn’t in action I couldn’t avoid looking at it. So, what could I do which would give my life meaning?
c) If I am going to change my life in a positive way, what small steps can I start with NOW and especially put into place when I feel the urge to gamble come back. Is the gambling saying, „if you don’t move forwards, I am going to drag you back!“

So in my case this gave me a starting point to living my „new life“ and the small steps were getting counselling support, talking to people who were doing what I wanted to do on on-line forums and taking a course. When a new urge to gamble came (as they do) I looked at what I was avoiding at that moment and either did it, or talked to someone about what was holding me back – even if that meant ringing a helpline (this only happened a couple of times.)

Even by doing all this, I still had a couple of more „slips.“ I accepted them as part of my recovery and learnt from them that, a) I will always be a recovering gambler and cannot bet normally (whatever that means!) and b) I cannot afford to put myself into situations where the urge to gamble may be stronger than I can deal with.

To sum up, you could try journalling and dialoguing with yourself and your gambling demon to find out what they want. You could find a counsellor who would support you in this if you didn’t want to go it alone. It’s just a suggestion and I hope you find it useful. Whatever you decide, keep strong and go well.

[Emma8]

Hi Steev! Thank you so much for taking the time to write that reply.

I find what you’re saying very relateable. I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection over the last couple of months and it was actually this that helped me to stop, instead of hitting the big £0 in my bank account that has done it before. (I didn’t have much left, but not much is better than 0!).

One realisation I had was that the business I’m building is taking a while to grow and I’m finding myself checking the numbers constantly. I know in my head that these things take time, but I constantly find myself impatient. Gambling was an easy way to get money quickly. Of course I would lose it immediately, but my brain wanted to see that incoming number. I had just put the blinkers on to all the negatives.

This is a big breakthrough for me and it gives me something real to work with. I’m so glad you spoke about your own experience because it confirms for me that I’m on the right path!

It’s horrible to think that these slips are a part of our recovery but they do teach us a lot don’t they? 

Thank you again for sharing. I feel strong and know I’m heading in the right direction again 🙂

[Steev]

Something I heard the other day might also help.

It was from a farmer’s son – and he said that he learnt that a farmer can’t just will the crops grow. All a farmer can do is make sure that the right seeds are planted in the right soil with the right conditions … In other words put all the things in place and then wait (the hard part) for the results.
I think my gambling was me just wanting the results (money) without putting any of the real effort in.

I hope all goes well with your business.

[dunc]

Hi Emma

Well done for coming back and being honest… coming back and being honest can be easy after a few lapses. It would be great to read more about you, more about what you have done to forward your recovery ?

[Emma8]

That really resonates. It can be so hard, even when you know that patience is a part of life, to wait for results. One thing I do already see is growth in my bank account though, because I’m not spending everything straight away. That alone makes the effort worth it!!

[Emma8]

Thank you so much. I feel like being open and honest about these things is 100% the hardest part!

For me, the realisation of what I was doing to myself and potentially those around me if I kept going was the main kick I needed to make a change and stop gambling.

In a practical sense though, self-excluding, blocking gambling sites on my home WiFi, being more conscious of where my money was and what it was needed for and beginning to recognise triggers, as steev has spoken about above, have been my main focuses. 

There is no one answer that works for everyone I’m finding, however being more conscious of why I gamble and when is making it far easier to stop! 

I don’t like using the word easy, as it’s anything but. I think you know what I mean though. The more manageable we make this process for ourselves, the more straightforward it all is 

[Emma8]

So money is tight right now. As it stands, I don’t have enough money to cover me for the next month.

For a split second I thought about gambling. Maybe I can win enough money to pay my bills.

Of course that’s not going to work and I immediately snapped myself out of it. I appreciate having this forum to share these things. I can reach out to anyone that might read this and I can remind myself that gambling is not the way to go.

Instead I am going to work hard today at bringing my freelance work in. I won’t need much to get me by. That definitely takes the pressure off.

[Monica1]

Thanks for your post on my thread. No, gambling will only make things a lot worse. And Xmas two years ago I had nothing at all, at this time of year I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. One day at a time Emma.

[Gbabyh]

I hope you will manage to stay consistent with the forum (or any other recovery-related actions you might take) as I strongly believe that a daily reminder of what sickness we’re dealing with here is much needed in the period following a relapse. This, for me, has helped me not become too complacent and relaxed with my everyday life (although I’ve been failing lately), and that has ultimately helped me tackle the days (which I often feel are stale) one at a time and make progress, however small, every day.

I wish you the best

Regards
Chris

[velvet]

Hi Emma
Adding a little to Steve’s earlier post about planting the seed, once you have planted the seed of recovery it does take time for the first green shoots of a gamble-free life to show. It needs to be fed and watered so that it grows straight and tall allowing it to withstand all manner of weathers thrown at it. It is so important to be patient because when the blossom comes – my goodness, how beautiful that blossom is.
You have planted the seed now Emma – I will follow your progress and wish you well
Velvet

[Emma8]

I’m so happy to say that I’m now at one week gambling free and still very much looking forward to celebrating two months just before Christmas. That is a big incentive for me! Reflecting back on older posts and feelings is always encouraging, it really reminds you why you’re moving forward doesn’t it?

[Emma8]

Thank you so much for your encouragement!

I’m so happy to now be at the one week stage. It feels really good, although I’m not unrealistic about the distance I have to go still. One day at a time as always!

[Emma8]

Thank you so much for your encouragement!

I’m so happy to now be at the one week stage. It feels really good, although I’m not unrealistic about the distance I have to go still. One day at a time as always!

[Emma8]

I love that analogy. It certainly is a fragile time, in the first weeks of staying away from gambling. I felt the urge to jump onto the slots again today but stopped myself. I know the damage it has caused and I know the growth I want to encourage in myself. One day at a time!

[lizbeth4]

Thanks for your post on my thread. I’m a big Dave Ramsey fan. Keep going! Think about the consquences of gambling. It helps me to not get complacent.

[i-did-it]

Hi Emma
Well done on your progress. I hope you have found that extra work . Any work no matter how poorly paid will leave us better off the than the empty promise that is gambling .

You have a great attitude and are it is inspirational how you brush yourself down and start again .
Keep strong Emma.

[Emma8]

I’m so happy to say that I’m about to make it to three weeks gambling free. It’s a small amount of time and yet it feels like such a big achievement.

I’ve barely thought about gambling in this time and each time it has cropped up I’ve taken all the steps necessary to stay away.

I’ve adopted a new approach to my day which seems to be helping. I have a list of about ten things to try and get done. Some are personal, like drinking a certain amount of water and walking a certain number of steps, most are work related. It means that I feel productive every day and that I’m rarely without something to do. Boredom was often a big trigger for me so I seen to have tackled that well.

I know not to get complacent and will forever be grateful for this forum and the support from you all. Knowing I have this place to come and share really does help me to move forward.

So excited to celebrate one whole month without gambling very soon!!

Hope you’re all having a positive day x

[Steev]

I’m having an even more positive day reading about your success. Thanks for sharing!

[Emma8]

Ahhhhhh I’m so glad! Thanks for checking in steev ☺️

[Gbabyh]

I’m gonna speak for myself, although I think this applies to many compulsive gamblers. I have many times before gambled because of low self-esteem, low self-worth, and such. When I find myself being productive, taking care of my body, my mind, eating well, staying hydrated, meeting deadlines, etc. it’s so much easier for me to resist the temptations of falling back to old and bad behavior known from my gambling days. First of all because of the momentum and what a waste it would be to throw that progress away, but also because, purely emotionally, I feel that I respect myself more, that I’m worth more than succumbing to gambling urges. My self-esteem and sense of self-worth skyrockets when I’m productive. All in all, I become more stable and less likely to react to impulses. What I’m trying to say is that I’m glad that you have found something that works for you, which totally also works for me. A solid framework for the day makes for a stable life 🙂

Good to hear from you – I’ll look forward to the next update!

– Chris

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