[Clarity]

I will try to keep this short and to the point. What can I say, I’m back again! I spendt the last 20 years of my life on the gambling roller coaster. I want to get off and stay off this time. Over the years I tried GA, saw counselors, came here. believe it or not I am a very intelligent, caring person. Somewhere along the way I lost myself and I don’t understand why or how. All I know is I want to live a normal gambling free life. I could of changed a lot of lives with all the money I blew gambling, instead I ruined mine. I barley remember a time when it hurt to loose a hundred or two. Now I’m just num when I loose thousands. Every two weeks I take a beating, beg God for forgiveness and ask for his help, sware I will not gamble again than I find myself right back at it only to have to shuffle the finances and start all over again. Right now I say I’m going to do everything in my power to stop and I mean it but what happens when a few weeks go by. So much for keeping this short. When will the nightmare end?

[jen3]

It’s day one of 2012, I’ve been just a little down reflecting on my past. It’s hard to let it go and move on. On the other hand I’m feeling so good knowing it’s a new year and no matter what happens it will be better than 2011 because I will be working faithfully on being gf. I have a little over a week behind me. I know that is a tiny milestone but it is my milestone and it it feels good. I’m proud because I’m dealing with other issues in my life and I am not letting them give me a reason to throw in the towel. My first and last bet in 2012 is ” I bet …………this will be a better year gf”. I look forward to getting to know others on this site and encouraging each other to fight the good fight!

[amyyy]

Good on you Jen for coming back.
This site is great and alot poeple with great advice and really good attitudes.
Gambling is a tough habbit to kick- and can really mess with your head.
Have you put any barriers in place? II was reluctant because i thought "well i need to have control over my money- someone else cant do everything for me forever"-  But this time around i gave all control of the finances to my partner- and it has given me time without the temptation- because i simply cannot gamble with no money. Its a good tool- and it can help put some distance between your habbit and your intentions to stay gamble free.
They say excluding is great too- not realistic for me either- so limiting access to money is what i do.
Great of u to come back- stay strong
 

[غير معروف]

Thanks Amyyy, it was nice chatting with you yesterday. I did ban myself, lower the amount of money I can get ect,ect. When I screwed up last time it was in a bar so now I am just staying away. For me I just need to keep coming back here to remind myself of the pain and misery gambling has caused me. Everyday my head gets clearer and I see it for what it is. CRAZY! At least for a cg. I look forward to chatting again soon. Take care

[amyyy]

I really enjoyed our chat too and you reminded me of so many reasons why i dont want to gamble either.
Hope to catch you in chat again another time- stay strong and gamble free

[vera]

Hi Jen and congrats on your G free week! It may feel like a short time but think of the damage we CGs can do in a week and be grateful that you can look back and say "I’m free!"
What a difference than feeling enslaved!
Keep going forward Jen!
Well done!

[debeaux]

I drive 2 hours one way to gamble. I’ve been gambling for 18 years and I’m ready to stop. I’ve spent over a million dollars gambling in the past 18 years.ive had several successful businesses and ruined them with gambling. I feel shame to face my wife and kids. My house is falling apart. I’i gamble before I pay bills. It’s destroying me

[bruce1234]

"delusion of a compulsive gambler"
delusional thats a great description Jen

[velvet]

 
Hi Jen
There is no point in keeping asking yourself why you didn’t keep coming back for support. You didn’t and now you know that you need to do just that.
There is no shame in being in our community – whether we are in ‘My Journal’ or F&F we are sharing an addiction that destroys us, if we let it – and ***** attention – constant attention. 
Your words that you are ‘grateful about the last screw up’ suggest a good light bulb moment. Keep it burning bright.
As you so rightly say – whatever works for you but please make that include sticking with this site.   I wouldn’t be writing on here if didn’t ‘know’ that this addiction can be controlled. I also know it takes a massive amount of courage. You have that courage but sometimes it flags a little. Allow your friends here to keep it boosted, so that you can enjoy a gamble-free life.
Velvet
  Velvet

[jen3]

Thanks Vera, tomorrow will be Two weeks!

[bruce1234]

Jen your words saved me $100 bucks today – I fought the urge to gamble by remembering the word delusional.
Thank-you very much

[amyyy]

Good on you jen! Keep strong. U can do it!

[jen3]

Bruce, Great! You made it through he day, you can make it through another one. Hold on to whatever works to stay gf, I believe the longer we are gf, the easier it gets. At least we can fight urges better with a clearer head. Thanks Amyyy

[matt w]

Hi Jen the amount of ***** I jumped ship in my first 18 years trying to beat this addiction to gambling I lost ***** off the pain caused still haunts me. One of my recovery tools is this poem. It made me cry like a baby when I first read it but I am glad to say I have been clean over three years now and this helps me remind myself how close I am every-day to letting gambling back into my life.
I  Am Addiction

I start in small subtle ways promising many things.

I promise you enjoyment and pleasure beyond your wildest dreams.

I deliver guilt & despair more horrible than your worst nightmare.

I promise you power & courage.

I give you feelings of powerlessness & hopelessness.

I will force you to live in fear always.

I promise you relief and escape from all your daily problems.

I create for you greater problems than you ever imagined.

I promise you many friends.

I allow you only isolation.

I promise happiness.

I create much sorrow.

I will ***** from you your dignity, your families, your friends, your children, your homes, your demons, your spirit & your life, for love, freedom & happiness are impossible to find in my presence.

So never underestimate me,

I am devious and manipulating.

I have no preference as to who I pick as my victim, rich or poor, young or old, black, white, yellow or red.

I have no conscience.

So if you have met me, always be aware if you think you can beat me that I will be gone from your life and all will go well again…..Never forget that I will always be there, waiting in the dark shadows just around the corner.

I am very patient and I will laugh in your face if I can lure you into my evil world of **** on earth once again.

I am addiction.

…….author unknown………
I hope this helps
Stay lucky/be lucky
MattStay lucky/be lucky

[paul315]

Originally posted by debeaux

I drive 2 hours one way to gamble ….
For Debeaux. 
But first a word to Jen; Well done of reaching this Two Week Milestone, well don on keeping coming back and taking actions to combat this addiction.   Also, thanks for the words you post that caused Debeaux to use your topic page as a fist post; I hope that he will find even more encouragement in the post and continue to work on his recovery.
Good morning Debeaux, my name is Larry and I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was august 13, 2009. Welcome to GT, a place where you can find much help in your journey, a journey that might take a continuing series of more or less 2 hours of your time a lot of days; and this too is also a one way journey, but one that will pay off, not represent great losses.
Another drive that might help you is one to a live meeting that will provide even additional help. One such place is Gamblers Anonymous, a meeting that I take my introduction form, and one that I and many others use in our recovery. There are also other groups such as community and church programs, and counselling services that help with addictions, look one up and use this type of live help. Keep coming back here and using all of the services GT has to offer, the chat rooms and the forums. To use the forums it would help you and the other members if you started you own topic to keep a journal of your actions and progress. You should have received an email explaining this, but information can also be found in the first parts of this forum.  Use all the help you can get; you have to go after recovery, it does not come to you.
God’s speed, use your Higher Power to guide and strengthen you. 
Thanks for the use of your topic Jen. 
 LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[amyyy]

Hi jen- see ya havent posted in a while n just thought id bump up ur thread- and remind ya that we care about u here and i hope ur doin really well n have just been too busy to post. But if u have slipped back into old habbits – reach out for support – cos u know theres heaps of people here for ya. Either way let us know how u been doin k x

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