Christmas past. My dad had lovely xmas presents for us all. Xmas present my mum has already put three hundred quid of my cash into a slot machine and I have left her broke and worrying about money. But I have hardened. i i have worked so hard to fight this disease which really took hold of me when i was still a child..thanks Mum for that! I am putting my own recovery first. My child has never went without. Once after I lost I gathered up all junk in house and went to car boot sale at 5am just so he could attend his club. My mum never sought help or never tried to help herself. I never had the right school uniform, or the correct shoes. I had trainers two sizes too big . Funny i was awkward at sport. I am putting me first, I can no longer pick up the pieces of other people’s lives even if it is my mum. Omg I did not know I had so much resentment inside. I always thought it strange that my dad gave me a phenomenal amount of pocket money when i reached a certain age and told me not to tell my mum. My friends could not believe how much i got.He said i was to buy myself clothes or whatever I wanted.its only today that the penny dropped. He wanted me to have the things he worked so hard for, not some casino owners daughter. I miss him.
