My adventure with casino gambling and especially slot machines started with my first trip to Las Vegas in 1995.

I hadn’t ever been to a casino and Vegas was just so amazing.  In those days we were still using coins and the machines

were more mechanical.   From 1995-2001 local Indian Tribal casinos opened in my area.  I started going with friends maybe

twice a year.   That was fun.  More of a social experience and usually went home with some money but it was entertainment and 

I always had a good time.  In 2001 my life changed when I moved to different state and found myself out of work.  I had saving

and moved because my then partner got a job change.  I thought I would find work in my industry easily but did not.   It took me

6 months to find a job.   During that time feeling depressed and lonely and with what I thought was nothing to do I started going

to one of the local casinos.  There were 2 within one hour of where I was living.  There were people there and it was a fantasyland

I started just playing 15 cents at a time, but soon realized that I needed to play  75 cents (nickel slots) to make the games interesting

Needless to say over a period of time I was hooked.  What had been a social thing turned into something I needed.   I tried therapy and

went to a few GA meetings, but what I found helped the most and continues to help me to this day was self-exclusion.  I’ve made a deal 

with myself.  If a new casino opens near me I visit once, have a good time and then self-exclude.  This luckily has happend only once 

where I live.  Self-exclusion is a funny thing.  Depends on the casino and how strict they are about it.  I have been back to one of the ones

that’s located in my former state…where I was living in 2001.  I have moved to another state that is just starting to have casinos.   They don’t check I

I waited 7 years between the time I self-excluded and the time I went in again.  Management had changed and I think my self-exclusion 

was deleted, but I still felt creepy doing it.   I guess I was testing myself….well the test failed.   I’ve been back over the past couple of years

a few times.  Last time being yesterday.  I have been able to limit my spending in the most part and not put my household budget into any

jeapardy.  I do live with someone so I feel a responsibility to him to hold up my end of our financial arrangement.   When I got home  last night

I did have $100 still in my pocket and went to bank and deposited it back into my account.   I had taken $300 with me yesterday.  

So my situation is better than the old days, but I find I’m not there to win money…I think I just like the action.   Knowing this from reading

some ot the articles on this web-site I am starting to understand why I like slot machines.   I’ve decided as of this morning to putt a happy face

on my calendar in my smartphone each day I can stay away from a casino.  There is no financial gain from my gambling activity.   I realize

now I’ve used it as a way to stay active and be in a “social” environment without really relating to other people.  And I’ve noticed too many

people are there for the same reason.  If you stopped all the action in a casino for 1 hour and went around the room I bet you’d find more

people there because of action than money and they would not even be aware of it.   Casinos are strange place.   Full of hope and fun and

yet also anxiety and anger and finally loss.  Only winner here is the casino.  

So I’m back at day 1 and am looking forward to all the “happy faces” I can add to my calendar and finally see my savings account grow.  

Reality knocked me in the head, but it’s been a light tap most of the time luckily….